Simon Cowell wants Elton John as his wedding singer

Kay here, reporting THE HOTTEST two week old news! Simon Cowell has said that he would like Elton John to perform at his upcoming wedding. I think everyone would like that, but Simon Cowell actually has the funds for it.

"It makes total sense that Simon is focusing on the wedding singer. Music is more important to Simon than the venue, the lighting or the flowers. Knowing Simon, I think it might be even be more important than the bride," joked a friend of the 'American Idol' meanie.



"Elton would be the perfect choice. Unlike others, he is brilliant live. Plus, Simon's dear mum and older relations know all his songs." There's one person who probably won't be getting an invite -- the talented 'Idol' winner Taylor Hicks, who told me: "I feel sorry for anyone who becomes Mrs. Cowell."

No word yet on what will be the first song Elton will be performing for the new Mr. and Mrs. Cowell, but may I suggest 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart!'

No, stale article, obviously the first song should be Your Song. I know it's cliche, but I swear it gets me every time. But then, the lyrics of the song don't really go with Cowell's bank account. What do I know anyway?



-KB

A real Disneyland marriage proposal

From Daveland (one of the better Disneyland blogs), a REAL Disneyland proposal! Not like that terrible, staged fake proposal from last year (or even this weirdly staged proposal).

Here is Samantha’s story: “Justin proposed to me on Saturday, August 9th 2008. We were at Disneyland by 9am, and I had no clue it was going to be the most magical day of my life! It started off completely normal...we went on Space Mountain, had some breakfast in Tomorrowland, and then Justin told me he was able to arrange our own boat on the Jungle Cruise. He told me he had contacted the park and told them he was bringing a celebrity therefore we could receive special treatment (which I of course believed.) [Note to my husband. Yes, this is possible.] We walked to the exit of the ride, and Larry, our Jungle Cruise cast member escorted us on to our very own boat. I was BEYOND excited. Larry put his jungle cruise hat on Justin, and we began the tour. He stopped in front of every part of the ride and took pictures of us. Silly faces in front of the tiger. Us making trunks with our arms in front of the elephants, and so forth. Until we reached the famous “backside of water.” [I know it's stupid, and I've heard it 100 times, but I love the backside of water joke]



Justin got on one knee, and proposed! It was the best moment of my life. Larry got on the loud speaker and said “by the powers vested in the Jungle Cruise, I now pronounce them husband and wife!” I was crying so hard, that I couldn’t see anything near me. When we rounded the corner, nearing the end of the ride, I saw a bunch of people cheering at the dock. It was my entire family and his entire family. I was so surprised that it just made my cry harder! We all spent the day at Disneyland.



Dining at Blue Bayou for lunch, riding Space Mountain again, eating churros, and hanging out together. When we pulled out of the parking structure at the end of the day, Justin faked missing the 5 Freeway, and pulled in to the Grand Californian Hotel. He had arranged a room with rose petals and the whole nine yards. It was beyond amazing. He is so wonderful and I thank my lucky stars that I have met someone who knows and understands my passion of Disney!”

Wow, such an elaborate proposal! Inviting their entire family was a nice touch. Blue Bayou, Space Mountain, churros...sounds like my perfect day. Since they were engaged a year and a half ago, I assume they're already married and had an equally-amazing ceremony! Congratulations, total strangers! See you at the park.

-Kay

Mehndi cookies (for a bridal shower?)

These gorgeous cookies from Sprinkle Bakes popped up in my RSS Reader, and I couldn't wait to share them with you. You might remember my previous post about mehndi and all the intricate work that goes into the superstition-laden tradition. These cookies are just beautiful and would be great for an inspired bridal shower (or any get-together).






Lots more pictures, instructions, and the recipe at Sprinkle Bakes.

Just remember - no housework until all the mehndi cookies are gone!

-Kay

South Korean otaku marries anime pillow bride

Yesterday, I linked to a video of a dude marrying his virtual girlfriend. This guy is slightly less weird because he's marrying a physical object, but he's still weird because he's marrying an object.



Lee Jin-gyu fell for his 'dakimakura' - a kind of large, huggable pillow from Japan, often with a picture of a popular anime character printed on the side. In Lee's case, his beloved pillow has an image of Fate Testarossa, from the 'magical girl' anime series Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

Now the 28-year-old otaku (a Japanese term that roughly translates to somewhere between 'obsessive' and 'nerd') has wed the pillow in a special ceremony, after fitting it out with a wedding dress for the service in front of a local priest. Their nuptials were eagerly chronicled by the local media.

'He is completely obsessed with this pillow and takes it everywhere,' said one friend. 'They go out to the park or the funfair where it will go on all the rides with him. Then when he goes out to eat he takes it with him and it gets its own seat and its own meal,' they added.

Here is video proof that this guy takes his pillow out. Dear jeebus save this man's soul.


I hope he's...happy?

-Kay Banks

Otaku marries his video game girlfriend

A man loved his Love Plus video game girlfriend so much that he married her in a real ceremony at the Tokyo Institute of Technology.



The video explains his past virtual girlfriends, and the Japanese video sharing site that live-streamed the ceremony. Commenters had useful things to say like "your mum lol". Oh, the internet!

-Kay

Bride goes bridezilla on everyone in a wedding gown shop

It sounds funny, but it's actually not. The bride and her family act in ways that I cannot comprehend - slapping people, using mannequins as weapons, spitting on the owner's wife, and generally starting an all-out brawl over wedding gown alterations.


Owner Hekmat Putruss said when he told the "bad-mouthing" bridezilla to leave she flipped out. He said: "She started threatening me, saying 'you don't know who I am, I'll call my husband to kill you, to teach everyone here a lesson'."

Three men later turned up at the shop and burst in while it was filled with customers. Another man spits on Mr Putruss's wife and slaps her face. Mannequins in the store in Oakland County, Michigan, US, are picked up and used as weapons.

Police finally arrive at the store and arrest the three men who were later charged with assault. Mr Putruss said he and his family sustained injuries from the attack and the estimated damage bill would come to around $15,000.

He said: "They just attacked without notice ... this is a clothing store, a women's clothing store, we don't expect things like this to happen."

I think it's safe to say that this bride is a crazy bitch - the same goes for her family who will show up as a mob and start trashing a store on a moment's notice. I hope she and her family are punished and forced to correct this poor man's store. Sheesh!

-KB

Why do we wear engagement rings?

Ah, Romance! Harriet here, jumping in to disillusion you about yet another romantic wedding tradition!

Everyone loves a great engagement story and a peek at "the ring" but did you know why we wear engagement rings? According to Stephen J. Dubner (one of the authors of Freakonomics):

"Engagement rings took off in the U.S. when the courts refused to hear “breach of promise” lawsuits. These suits were brought by women who had slept with their fiancés and then been abandoned. These women were then less attractive marriage prospects for anyone else.

Or, if you're into engagement rings...

Naturally, such lawsuits were sensational fun for the newspapers, and eventually the courts put a stop to the whole thing. The problem then became: how could a young affianced couple have sex with each other when she had no recourse to the law if he changed his mind? Both of them might well want to, but for the lady the risks were pretty high. And so the institution of the engagement ring came about. Such rings are non-returnable, meaning that if the man breaks off the engagement he doesn’t get the ring back. The system discourages him from running off and provides automatic compensation if he does. Very clever."

I suspect they aren't terribly useful for that particular purpose these days...but they are shiny, so that's pretty much good enough in my book.

-Harriet

Hello Kitty wedding rings

Do you want to emasculate your husband? Then get a matching set of Hello Kitty wedding rings!



I guess they're not overly Hello Kitty like this:


But if I met you and your husband for dinner and he was wearing this:



I would pretty much never stop asking him where he left his testicles (*cough* your purse *cough*). At least the face is on the inside of the ring. It would be his shameful secret. Unless he's really into Hello Kitty. I guess it could happen...?



Here is the "Ladie's" ring and the "adorable" box that the rings come in.

Retail price is about 189,000 Yen (about $2090US)

-KB

Bridesmaid's dress stolen hours before the wedding

Not that I don't believe this bridesmaid, but...she is probably full of crap.

Delaware state police say someone broke into a car and stole a bridesmaid's dress just hours before a wedding.


Who me?

It happened Friday morning at a shopping center in Pike Creek. Police say the bride and one of her bridesmaids were in a salon getting ready for the wedding. When they got back to their car, they found that someone had stolen the pink dress [And it's a great color! You'll be able to wear the dress again after my wedding!] the bridesmaid had planned to wear at the ceremony. A bag of accessories was also stolen. [I'm sure the bridesmaid REALLY MISSES her pink gemstone earrings, and pink feathered hair accessory]

The vehicle was not damaged. Police believe the thieves overrode the car's self-locking mechanism.

Yeah, okay bridesmaid. Somehow, someone just broke into your car, ignored the quarters in the ashtray, did NO damage to the car, and this all happened just hours before the wedding. I don't think there's any question about what really happened.

Lock your cars, friends!
-KB

A look back at 1989 wedding advice

Remember the Color Me Beautiful craze in the '80s? When I was a kid, some older girls who were family friends were always holding that book up to my face to determine if I was a Spring or a Winter, and then coating me in hideous colors reminiscent of Homer's make-up gun.


Homer, I think you have it set to 'whore'

This popped up on one of my favorite blogs Awful Library Books, and the advice is still so relevant, it's screaming to be shared.


Colors for Brides promises advice on hot topics such as: your wedding, your trousseau, your first home, your planning guide, and your bridal gift record. I know what you're thinking! What in the hell is a trousseau!? It is a pretty word for dowry. Yes, dowry.

Let's dive in and soak up all the amazing advice. Your cosmetics leave something to be desired - wouldn't you look better following this advice?

You want to look romantic, don't you? It's perfect for channeling your inner child pageant show contestant.

-Kay

Single hobbits...

Love this XKCD that combines nerdy webcomics, the Lord of the Rings, a sassy Beyonce song, and snide remarks about marriage. Yay!


Yeahhh, I don't know how to fix this. You'll have to click to see the whole thing. Sorry!

Mouseover text: Using a ring to bind someone you covet into your dark and twisted world? Wow, just got the subtext there. Also, the apparently eager Beyonce would've made one badass Nazgul.

-Kay

I'm a grouch about holidays. Happy made-up American drinking day. Humph.

Cute idea for a bridal shower

Bridal showers are usually boring and chock-full of girly treacle, but this would be cute for your full bar if you have an awesome bridal shower. Imagine ordering a vodka cranberry and getting this in your glass!




It's a giant diamond ice cube mold!


I'll bet it takes ages to freeze, and it would take forever to make enough ice for a bridal shower, but it's only $6.95, so I would buy several and start early. Do it! And invite me!

-Kay

The truth about your wedding

Only your real friends will tell you the truth...unless you are a passive-aggressive Facebooker.

it's great that everyone has more important things to do that come to my wedding - i guess you find out who really cares about you...

There's some good gossip in here somewhere. I'll bet she's talked about nothing but her wedding plans and her friends can't stand her anymore. Or maybe her friends are all 19 and they know it's a doomed marriage

Christina hates not getting invited to anything anymore. Is it because I'm married?
Friend: no, its because you are married to a prick.

This reminds me of Knocked Up.

Little girl: Everyone's like blah blah blah, Ben's a PRICK! ...what does it mean?
Ben: It means...penis.
Little girl: (giggle) penis

It gets me every time.

-KB

Beautiful modern wedding cakes

Since it's Friday, let's look at some beautiful cakes found via Swanky Tables. They all look like they came from Anthropologie, but we won't hold that against them.


I love the tall-and-skinny style with uneven tiers - it's so unusual, yet simple.


I think this cake is beautiful, but it looks so precarious. I'm sure there is some story behind it, but I really don't understand why the cake is resting on a vase filled with dead tree.


This one is pretty, but all I can see is the Twitter bird, and a bunch of olives.


This is like monochromatic Legos, so I love it. I love geometric shapes and patterns.


While this cake is very feminine, I don't feel that it is twee. The strong, square cake really balances out all those delicate fondant blooms.

What do you think? I think I need some cake now. Again, I wish they'd tell you what kind of cake is inside. A cake could be the most beautiful thing ever, but if I find out that it's lemon and cherry with pistachio filling, I lose all desire to taste it.

Happy weekend!

-KB

Twitter user gets wedding help thanks to Conan O'Brien

What has Conan been up to since his sudden unemployment?

Conan O'Brien may seem like an unlikely fairy godmother – but he has made one Michigan woman's dreams come true.

Two weeks ago, the late-night comedian decided to follow a stranger on Twitter. That person is 19-year-old Sarah Killen from Fowlerville. "I've decided to follow someone at random," O'Brien tweeted. "She likes peanut butter and gummy dinosaurs." Killen hasn't been the same since. "He's changed my life," she tells PopEater.



Most importantly, she can now have her fantasy wedding, thanks to all the attention O'Brien has drummed up for her. "It has really helped," Killen says. "I'm getting married on September 25, and we didn't know if we would be able to afford it. Now I'm getting custom made shoes and a dress from Kelima in New York … We're getting a limo, Classic Creations is giving us wedding bands and there's a vineyard in California sending us wine. We've got it all covered now."

Killen says O'Brien is invited to her wedding. "My fiancé wants Conan to be his best man," she says. "That would be really cool. And hey, if he wants us to come on his show, we'd get married on there. That would be fantastic."

Well, of course she didn't know if she could afford a wedding - she's 19! Normal 19 year olds don't have enough money to go to the movies, let alone plan a wedding. But good luck, Sarah!

-Kay

Wedding photos - drag queen style

Confession time: My name is Kay Banks, and I am recovering reality TV show addict. I used to watch anything trashy. My beloved TiVo was choking on all the STDS from the various Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels shows that it was constantly recording. Eventually I got tired of them - now I hardly watch any reality shows, but I LOVELOVELOVE RuPaul's Drag Race. I challenge you to watch that show and not smile and laugh (and fall head-over-heels in love with RuPaul).

This week's episode focused on a wedding challenge. Each contestant had to create a wedding scene by first dressing as a man, and then pairing him with a drag queen alter-ego.

I'm not sure what to call them? So I'll refer to them as she because that's how they do it on the show.


Jessica Wild - I can see this as an actual wedding photo! Maybe they're a young couple running away from their parental confines. On the show, she is so cute! I love her accent and personality.


Jujubee - the gaysian. I mean that lovingly, because she's my fave. I love the bitchy look and excessive jewelry. Not really feeling the groom's look.


Morgan McMichaels - That Superman tattoo ruined her looks for me every time. Strangely, I feel like the face is more feminine on the groom, and masculine on the bride. I like that she tried a different style with the punk rock groom and the arm-candy, jewel-dripping bride.


Raven - Esthetically, Raven is my favorite. She's always a little gothy and edgy, and you can't see it in this photo, but her face is so beautiful. It's too bad that there's not a full-length picture of the dress because it's fantastic. The groom looks weird, though. It looks like a candid from Facebook or something. Raven is kind of a bitch, but she should have won the challenge.



Pandora Boxx - The most humorous contestant on the show. She's never really gorgeous, but she's always funny and pretty. You can see the scared look on the groom's face - the back story goes that he's a cop and she's marrying him to avoid jail.


Sahara Davenport - She was wearing ballet shoes and she was en pointe during her runway walk! She wanted an ethereal, Swan Lake wedding and she did a good job.


Tatianna - She's so pretty either way, but it doesn't show in the picture. It doesn't look wedding-y though...more prom or formal dance.


Tyra Sanchez - Not the Tyra, but she's got enough bitchiness and attitude that you might confuse them. I don't know if it's just the show's editing or if she's really that big a bitch, but she's a really big bitch! Having said that, her wedding gown look was pretty great. Not feeling the groom, though. It's a little too deer-in-headlights. And I know this is a gay-oriented show, but I'm sure there really are straight men in bright pink bowties at their weddings. I can only shake my head sadly at those brides.

Doesn't this make you want to watch the show? It's on Tuesdays on Logo and VH1, if you're wondering. RuPaul is my favorite part of the show, of course. I love her, and I teared up a little when she was talking about her Mom. She is funny, she is bold, and yet she still keeps a warmth to her. Just like Tim Gunn, Ru has a catchphrase: Don't fuck it up! Yay!

-KB

Wedding tidbits from other blogs

What do you call the sites that just post short things? Micro-blogging? I dunno, but I love this one from LFMF (Learn From My Fail)

If someone you love proposes to you and you accept, don’t then start telling them about the wedding plans you’d had with your previous relationship. #LFMF
-Moodkiller


I'm not sure why the bride and groom thought this picture would work well - they've obviously put a lot of thought into their wedding accessor...AHH, WHAT'S THAT THING ON HER HEAD?

Is she shoe shopping? I don't know what's going on, but it is definitely an Awkward Family Photo.


The best always comes last - lookit these adorable steampunk robot cake toppers!

I don't know who made these, but they were found via Wedinator. I only hope that the robots won't become sentient and ruin the cake. Everyone knows that robots hate cake. It's how you know they truly have no souls.

-Kay

Look at this f***ing hipster wedding

Urban Outfitters Inc., who also owns Anthropologie, is planning to start a wedding-focused bridal business next year. Here are the businessy words:

Aiming to maintain the growth that led to record 2009 sales and profit, Urban Outfitters Inc. today disclosed plans to start another retail brand next year, this one aimed at the $60 billion wedding industry. The Philadelphia specialty retailer, whose Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie stores target an upscale clientele, said it planned to launch the as-yet-unnamed bridal business by Valentine's Day 2011, first online and later with a store opening.

"We think this is going to be a meaningful business," Glen T. Senk, chief executive officer, told analysts today while reviewing the company's 2009 earnings, which included record sales of $1.9 billion and record profit of $220 million. "Anybody we talk to about this goes, 'Wow, that's exciting,' " he said. [cool story, bro]


An institutionalized pixie bride from Anthropologie

The idea for creating a brand aimed at weddings - featuring heirloom gowns, accessories, intimate apparel, decor, and gifts - grew out of the company's existing business, which often catered to brides and their entourages, Senk said. According to the company's research, matrimony means money: The average wedding costs $45,000 to stage, and the bride alone spends $4,500 on clothing and accessories. Bridalwear is a niche that suffered badly last year in the economic downturn; many high-end boutiques closed.

Okay, blahblahblah, there's more info (including numbers) at the source but if my experience is any prediction, all the crap at this store will look cool but be overpriced and lacking substance...just like Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie. I always stop in Anthropologie to drool over their crazy sweaters, but I know not to buy any because they always fall apart (at least the ones I've bought always have) and I'm left bitter, $115 poorer, and sans-crazy sweater.

-KB

Weird wedding commercial from Japan

Found on Japan Probe

Enjoy your weekend!

-Kay

Sex-crazed elephant crashes wedding

A sex-crazed elephant rampaged through a lavish wedding ceremony in New Delhi in hot pursuit of a mate, leaving flipped cars and dazed guests in its wake. The lovestruck pachyderm, one of three hired for the traditional Indian reception, caused more than $300,000 in damage after it went rogue, according the Bangkok-based Thaindian News.



The elephant charged the couple’s guests, stampeding across a lawn and flipping at least 20 cars as it chased a female elephant in heat. The animal was subdued with a tranquilizer after six hours on the lam – but not before it rammed a police truck.

Officials for the Wildlife Trust of India blamed the incident on a case of raging hormones, saying the elephant was in "mast," the mating phase that occurs once a year.

I really hope this poor guy is okay. Sad/man elephants really bum me out. ...And here I am, letting my geek flag fly: Apparently elephants are like Vulcans? This one was experiencing his pon-farr. OMG, I'm a nerd.

There's a video, but I can't watch it. Go on without me.

-Kay

Thousands of women fall for bridal show scam

Have you ever been to a bridal show? I went to one many years ago when I didn't even have a boyfriend. As a teenager, I had a friend who had a life-long obsession with being a pretty princess bride, and she really wanted to go, so I went with her. It was a terrifying experience; bitchy women and their miserable, even bitchier mothers were grilling sleazy vendors about prices while some poor guy (presumably the groom) trailed along behind. I was pressured into trying things on (rings, headpieces), putting things against my skin (hm, do I like candle white, or ivory?), and taking unwanted fliers (WIN A FREE HONEYMOON) despite my insistence that I wasn't getting married, but merely helping my friend.

So I'm definitely not laughing at these women, because I'm sure a fraction of them are kind, reasonable people. I'm laughing at the grabby, scary, type-A women (hope you get your money back!)


Photo by Daniel Day

Boston police and the FBI say at least 6,000 brides-to-be and wedding vendors have been duped by a "non-existent convention" called The Boston 411 Home and Bridal Show 2010. Advertised on Facebook and weddingwire.com as "New England’s biggest and most extravagant bridal show," the convention claimed to be booked at the Hynes Convention Center March 5-7. In fact, the Hynes is hosting the annual assembly of the American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine on those dates.

Pre-paid admission passes were sold for $10 and $15, and attendees were promised “a welcome bag of goodies” and “a chance to win fabulous gifts and prizes” on the show’s bogus Web site. The show’s contact number goes to a voice mail.

Authorities said the scam artists were also selling advertising space in the show program for up to $450. Investigators are holding a press conference this afternoon to provide updates on the case and offer help to scam victims

Generally, if it sounds too good to be true, it is. I can't imagine paying $15 to get into a convention and expecting a welcome bag. It's not the Oscars! And I am not condoning any of this malicious scam, but I think targeting brides and home decorators was clever. Everything in those categories attracts ravenous, cash-flush people. But I really do hope that these people get their money back, and that the genius masterminds behind this are punished.

-Kay Banks

It's a nice day for a White Castle wedding

Good morning! Okay, I know it's a little early to be thinking about hamburgers, but this video will start your day off right.

It is hilarious because:
a) people get married in a burger joint! You love wacky weddings, right?
b) the groom looks incredibly miserable. The only thing funnier than an unhappy groom is an unhappy groom in a hamburger shop wedding.
c) the bride says "Valentimes". I'm an a-hole for laughing, but I did!




Is this, like, REALLY FUNNY? or am I still a little screwed up in the head from watching The Room*?

HAHAHAHAurg,

Kay Banks

*Please watch The Room! Like, seriously! It is the Mona Lisa of terrible movies, and after only one viewing it has taken place in my heart as the best worst movie ever.

Doug Henning Wedding photos

Sorry if you've seen this post twice! I hit Enter with my pinkie and a half-finished post got forwarded to Reader and my Twitter. Sheesh!

On Google Reader some friends were arguing over this cloud:



I suggested that it looks like George Harrison, while others thought it looked like Joseph Stalin, Inigo Montoya, and Doug Henning. In Googling Doug Henning, I stumbled upon these pictures of his wedding in 1981. It was too odd a find to ignore. In honor of the closing of Canada's 2010 Olympics, I give you CANADIAN MAGICIAN DOUG HENNING'S SECOND WEDDING PHOTOS!!!

Henning married artist Debby Douillard on December 6, 1981 in Fairfield, Iowa in The Golden Dome. The Golden Dome seems to be some kind of Yoga/meditation thing, but figure it out for yourself if you'd like. Henning's first wife was Barbara DeAngelis, but the two divorced just a few months before his second wedding.


The wedding wreath


The newscasters wait outside to give the world news of Hennig's marriage



The happy couple. They do look happy, but I have trouble getting past the awful style of the late seventies and early eighties.






The two stayed married until Henning's death in 2000 from liver cancer.

And, for the record, that cloud looks like Doug Henning. Not Stalin or Inigo Montoya!!!

-Kay