Couple turns to porn to pay for wedding

In sharp contrast to yesterday's story about classy Audrey Hepburn, here's a...less classy story...

A cash-strapped couple are paying for their dream wedding - by starring in porn films.
Lisa Brand and Tommy Barnes have earned £1,300 [$2,165 US] from three X-rated movies and plan to make four more to raise cash for a beach ceremony in Cancun, Mexico, next June.


Photo of hideous couple courtesy of The Sun. Thanks, The Sun...I think.

The pair, who have four children, have played a photographer and lingerie model who strip for a romp, and also appeared in a threesome. Lisa, 34, even dripped hot wax on Tommy's chest at a motorway service station hotel [a highway motel? only the best for these two] to recreate a scene from Madonna's 1993 movie Body of Evidence. [HAHAHAHAHAHA!] She also spanked him with a paddle. She said: "I was laughing my head off.

"I have told my mum and most of my friends. They understand. It's always been our dream to have a fairytale wedding." Tommy, 36, added at Macclesfield, Cheshire: "It's our five minutes of fame - something to look back on when we're older. It has brought us closer together."

I generally try not to be outright mean, but my brain is exploding with snarky comments. Not that $5000 isn't a lot of money, but I thought they were aiming for, say, $50,000 for a "dream wedding". I know dreams come cheaper in Mexico, but it still seems low. If you need to raise only $5000 for your wedding why would you first turn to porn? Surely they can save some money over the course of a year? That's $417 a month. You could definitely make that at a part-time job. Who wants to see these two naked or - gasp - close-up? Why do these people have four kids if they don't have $5000? WHO IS GOING TO BUY THESE MOVIES? And, most importantly, where did Lisa get the coat she's wearing in the photo? I really like it.

In closing, I would never turn to porn to make $5000. I'm worth a LOT more than that to certain kinds of fetishists. But I won't say which ones.

Secretively,
Kay Banks

p.s. Remember when Homer was considering cheating on Marge with his hot new co-worker? And then Marge showed Homer the t-shirt with her face on it that got smudged so it was half-off. Homer's reaction to the shirt was my exact reaction to the photo. Is that mean? I don't care.