Monday, November 29, 2010

Eric Benet crashed your wedding

My dear friend shared this ridiculous link with me:

Eric Benet is eyefucking you at your wedding

Sadly, I can't remember the backstory anymore, but I think it's something along the lines of "Eric Benet cheated on Halle Berry. He's a total horndog, so he'd probably crash your wedding just to eyefuck the bride".
Here are a few of my favorites.

Totally random and weird, right? Love it.



Friday, November 19, 2010

Bride of Exhausted-stein

I'm taking Thanksgiving week off to focus on my ever-expanding waistline. I hope you have a delicious Thanksgiving, and I'll see you next week*!

Here are a few of my favorite posts:

Bruce Campbell zombie wedding
Star Wars cake wedding cake
Super geek pillow wedding
World's worst wedding DJ
Zombie group wedding from Thailand

Here's a cool picture.



*and by next week, I mean the week after next. See? TIRED!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Celebrity officiants at imaginary themed weddings

The Bruce Campbell-officiated wedding got me thinking about other celebrities at weddings. I mean, it really doesn’t get any better than Bruce Campbell at a Zombie wedding, but I can try, right?

Wallace Shawn

I was recently forced to admit that I’ve never seen the Princess Bride all the way through (I KNOW. Shut up!), but I do love Wallace Shawn. He’d be awesome at a super-romantic wedding (or even an incredibly Nineties wedding a la Clueless). The way he talks is so cute, and I love his voice. The wedding would probably be Ren Faire-y, and everyone would wear tights.

David Lynch

If you’ve ever watched his daily weather report, you already know that a wedding officiated by him would be… weird. In the end, your guests would be confused, and you’d be married to inanimate objects (logs, perhaps), but a Red Room wedding would be mind-blowingly awesome! Am I the first person to think of that? I hope not - I would love to see a Lynch-themed wedding. The reception would be in an abandoned warehouse; PBR would be served.

David Attenborough

Who would be better at a nature-inspired garden wedding? Once, while watching Planet Earth, I announced that I wanted to take a nap in his voice. It is just so soothing. You’d feel somewhat dissected after having him discuss your relationship in front of a group, but it’d be fine as long as he doesn’t conclude with “Coitus, once achieved, is brief…”

Cyndi Lauper

Cyndi Lauper would be amazing at a kooky, free-spirited, artsy wedding. I imagine this wedding would be held in a metropolitan art gallery. Similar to a David Lynch-officiated wedding, the guests would be confused, but she's the kind of person who really holds your attention when she's speaking...if for no other reason than she's a bit hard to understand.


Kay Banks

Monday, November 15, 2010

Interview with Nathan - the guy married by Bruce Campbell

Bruce Campbell: Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up... we have gathered here today to join these two corpses before me, Nathan Dooley and Casey Russell in the everlasting bonds of holy... or maybe unholy matrimony. They have chosen to have you, their undead family and friends, to bear witness to this union of zombie souls, as they embark on their journey together.

Photo courtesey of John Cornicello Photography

Those are the vows from Nathan and Casey’s awesome Zombie Wedding that I posted about last week, and the week prior. The newly-married couple has been kind enough to share some details about their wedding with me, and I am thrilled to share them with you!

It’s important to note that this was not a ZomBcon contest (as I previously thought), but something that the couple suggested to the ZomBcon people.

From Nathan:
When I proposed at the end of this past August, Casey and I talked a little about what we wanted for a wedding. I honestly can't recall who first mentioned the idea... it's almost like we came up with the idea simultaneously of wanting Bruce Campbell to officiate a zombie wedding. I think it went Bruce Campbell as our minister first... that would be ideal we thought... the zombie thing came after we remembered that he would be in town for ZomBcon. I know that we figured it would be impossible to get Bruce Campbell, but my wife decided to contact the folks at ZomBcon via Facebook because we figured it couldn't hurt to ask. That initial Facebook message went out Oct. 1st, we got word that Bruce would do it Oct 15th and decided to go for it Oct 16th. So it was literally two weeks of planning to make it happen.

Truly, it never hurts to ask for something, even if it sounds crazy. I’m really impressed that you guys initiated all this insanity. Was your family excited about this from the start, or did it take some convincing?

 We both have really supportive parents and families. Her family lives nearby and mine is spread around the US. Still, both of our immediate families made the trip, I had some cousins and uncles fly in and we had tons of friends. I remember both of our parents laughed and thought it was a great idea and were so happy that we were doing what we wanted and having fun with our ceremony. They all got into the zombie thing in a big way too... everyone dressed up, watched Evil Dead and Army of Darkness before they came here... it was really fun for them. One of the other things that we did, despite the theme of the event, was to have our reception where we could still have some family moments you typically get at a wedding. There were some tearful toasts... dancing with moms and dads, etc...

Did you guys supply the suits, dresses, and flowers, or were they chosen by an event coordinator? Because when I saw the wilted bouquets - well, those are just genius.

Photo courtesey of John Cornicello Photography

We did supply and make all our own outfits. I purchased some old used tuxedos from a rental wholesale place for the groomsmen and myself and we purchased Casey's dress at the Value Village (like Savers/Goodwill) for $35. We both worked on the costumes... I don't know if you saw the baby arms coming out of Casey's pregnant belly in her dress... that was a something she came up with the night I proposed... so happy we were able to make it happen.

The flowers actually were actually a bit of a fiasco. We originally were supposed to have a bunch of dead and wilted flowers from a floral shop but they threw them out the day we were supposed to pick them up. We were also supposed to have some black roses for boutonnieres and bouquets but the same shop decided the day before the wedding that they weren't going to do that either... so we ended up buying some flowers from a local grocery store and did what we could to make them ugly the day of the wedding.

I will say, some great things about having a zombie wedding is what you can save on... flowers, dresses, tuxes... all the "pretty" stuff is pretty much tossed out the window. Value Village is a bride’s best friend for this kind of event and forget something old blue and borrowed... blood is way better.

Agreed! Tell me about The Chin.

Bruce was awesome, a real pro. He is our favorite actor of all time and we can't imagine having anyone else be our officiant. When we first met him for pictures with the wedding party he kind of seamed impatient... like “OK, let’s get this thing done...” [Bruce was] directing the photographers on who was taking the next photo (there were tons of press in this little room so I'm glad he actually took over). As soon as the interviews were done and the press and wedding party left it was one of the coolest moments of the day. Just Casey, Bruce Campbell, our photographer and me hanging out waiting for the wedding to start.

Photo courtesey of John Cornicello Photography

He took some time to ask us about what we do, who we are, and gave some advice on what he thinks is important in a marriage... pretty rad. We went over the wording in the ceremony (which I wrote the night before in the wee hours of the morning). Just a really surreal moment for us both. When it came to the wedding, he was a total pro... it seemed like he really had fun with the ceremony and was able to be Bruce as the caricature most people recognize... which is what we had hoped for.

That’s so cool. What other special moments do you remember?

Some stuff you didn't see in the video... our zombie flower girl throwing dead flower petals and dismembered bloody doll parts and fingers. Also, the procession of our zombie ushers bringing in the parents, and then the wedding party walking up was one of the funniest things I've ever watched in my entire life.
Seriously a fun event, we could never think of doing it any other way and in the end... we have rings on our fingers and an official document on file with the state just like anybody else (but ours is signed by Bruce Campbell).

Is there anything you’d change about your wedding? (Other than the unreliable flower vendor. How hard is it to provide dead flowers?)

Our one big regret in this whole thing really had to do with the extremely short notice... which meant a lot of out of town family and friends simply couldn't make it. The big one's were there of course... moms, dads, brothers and sister... but my grandma really wanted to come, some aunts uncles and cousins were really sad to have missed it.

Photo courtesey of John Cornicello Photography

Nathan, thanks for sharing all of this with me! May I post some of it in my blog?

Sure... post away! We're a little unfamiliar with this pseudo-celebrity status we've had of late... kind of been fun. It's my understanding that some of the wedding will be covered in next month’s Rolling Stone... weird.

It's really funny looking back at our back-up plan... which was to have a super small ceremony... basically just elope and then have a reception with our families sometime this coming June... just some cake and champagne, no zombies, no Bruce Campbell. We're still a little amazed that our wedding actually happened the way we dreamed it would... I don't think that's usually the case.

Any advice for other couples planning a wacky wedding?

[Our day] was fun and I encourage any couple who wants to do something different for their wedding to just do what they want.

Bruce Campbell: You have offered your solemn vows... may your home be a haven of peace and... So on and... Fulfillment of hopes and love... terms of this covenant... and what not...

…You've said the damn words, you love each other right?

By the power vested in me by the Screen Actors Guild, the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, and all that is living, dead, holy and unholy in this world, I now pronounce you zombie and corpse, man and wife, you may kiss the bride.

Photo courtesey of John Cornicello Photography

This, THIS is why weddings are awesome! I love this couple – they’re obviously good friends and true partners in addition to being married, and they did this crazy thing head-on; together. Congratulations again to Casey and Nathan! I hope you guys have an awesome life together, and I hope you enjoy that little bundle of unholy terror when he/she arrives.



Friday, November 12, 2010

Red gown bride - Paula Yates

A comment on my post about the red wedding gown Lydia Deetz wears in Beetle Juice got me a'Googling Paula Yates. I've heard of her (and I've certainly heard of her dating life, and her oddly-named children), but I had never seen her stunning red wedding gown before.

Paula Yates and music legend/humanitarian Bob Geldof were married on August 31, 1986, a few months after the birth of their first daughter Fifi Trixibelle. Simon LeBon was their best man.

Other celebrities were that David Bowie? Sorry for the terrible quality of the image. I don't even see my boyfriend Simon, but the Wikipedia says he was there, so who knows?

But it's pretty clear that her gown is gorgeous! That is the most beautiful pool of blood-red gown train I've ever seen. The matching red bouquet and veil really complete this look. There's no hint of black, and that keeps it from looking too goth-y. (I like goth-y, but she's firey not spooky)

The red mixed with her ultra-blonde hair is so pretty, and I love all the little roses on her crown.

The two went on to have more children: Peaches Honeyblossom, and Little Pixie Frou-Frou. Eventually, Paula Yates conquered and had a child with Michael Hutchence (of INXS and  fame). Not surprisingly, the child was named Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily - or just Tiger for short. In 1996 Yates and Geldof divorced in an extremely messy and public way, and Yates went on to continue being a headstrong and slightly crazy celebrity. Hutchence died (an infamous death) in 1997, and Yates died from a heroin overdose in 2000.

From a different (and more detailed) blog post about their relationship - BizzyBlogging:
Sort of incredibly, upon hearing of Paula's death, Bob Geldof sprang into action. Geldof made all of Paula's funeral arrangements, paid the tab, and then filed for temporary custody of little Tiger citing Tiger's, "need to be with her three half-sisters at this difficult time". Geldof's appeal was granted. Despite attempts by the Hutchence family, the orphaned girl continues to live with her half-sisters and to be reared by Geldof.

Geldof continues his humanitarian work, and the entire family still makes tabloid headlines.

Have a great weekend! Avoid the white drugs, friends.

Kay Banks

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

$400 McDonald wedding packages

We've seen a lot of odd wedding locations like Home Depot, Waffle House, White Castle, and the 99 Cents Only store, and I've even written about the growing popularity of retail store weddings. The trend must be shifting from wacky-and-fun to completely acceptable since McDonalds in Hong Kong is now offering a wedding package that includes the ceremony, reception, cake, and catering for 100 people for only $400US.

A rep for the company says that the wedding package was created in response to public demand:
Over the past two years, we've started receiving calls from people who want to have a wedding party in our restaurants. There are about 10 calls a month. People said they'd dated here, or met here, and wanted to get married here. We see this as a business opportunity.


Unfortunately you won't be able to have booze at the reception, as local laws forbid alcohol at family-friendly eateries like McDonald's. And you will also have plenty of hungry wedding crashers since the restaurants will remain open to the public during the ceremonies.

No booze and I have to eat at McDonald's? Hmm... I'd still go, just to see the fun, but there had better be cake!


Monday, November 8, 2010

Passive-aggressive wedding cards

It's hard to believe that anyone would send a congratulatory wedding card that's this rude, but thinking back on some bizarre cards that I've received, maybe it's not...

Written inside:
Though we were saddened that you didn't marry in the church we are still happy for you. May God guide you in your new life together. May you have many years of wedding [sic] bliss.

The submitter says that the card-sender is a cousin of her husband, not a bitter old auntie in a rocking chair, as I'm sure we all pictured. “I felt like telling her she could keep her $50 and her guilt trip, too, but decided I would have my revenge by having a long, happy, secular marriage instead.”

There's nothing quite like family.

Kay Banks

Friday, November 5, 2010

David and Donna get hitched

SoapNet is kind enough to continually replay classic Beverly Hills 90210, and I thank them for their service. Even though the hair and outfits are incredibly dated, the fights are melodramatic, and the very special episodes are anything but, I still love it. Throughout the seasons, many of the characters got engaged and then broke up but (spoiler alert) the show ended with Donna and David finally getting married.

Here's a recording of someone's TV, if you're really invested:

HAHAHAHA! Yeah, I can't believe I like that either.

I never liked Donna's hair red, and yes I really care about Donna's hair color, so that automatically makes me like these pictures less.

As always, Donna's outfit is based on her thinness combined with her giant boobs. Both are fully on display here. I like the classic roses, and Donna's unusually understated gown , but I really don't like the pearly dog collar.

Even on TV weddings, the bridesmaids are stuck wearing hideous and unflattering dresses. That purple looks just awful on both women, and the satin is very wrinkly and bunchy. I like the wedding gown more here since the beading on the bustier is more noticeable. The men have it easy of course, and they all look handsome in their end-of-night, suit-sans-coat attire.

Oh 90210. Next time I get the flu, we'll connect again.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Kay Banks

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Bruce Campbell zombie wedding update - with pictures!

Last week I teased a wedding at zomBcon officiated by Bruce Campbell. I am very pleased to bring you the video, courtesy of Nathan the undead groom. It is, in a word, awesome:

Nate and Casey's Zombie Wedding from David Franzen on Vimeo.
There's a second video, if you want a new camera angle. This one is fun because it paints everything in blood red light.

But I know what you really like. Pictures of gorgeous weddings.

Casey Russell, looking well-preserved. I love the baby arm sticking out of her belly, and I giggled with delight when I saw the bouquets of wilted roses - genius!

Casey and her impaled father, Joe.

Aw. The best part about all the pictures is that everyone, despite being undead, looks incredibly happy.

I'm told there was a family zombie procession to the stage before the wedding ceremony. Hopefully that will pop up online sometime.
(double meme-bow all the way: set the zombie procession to Forever like that other famous wedding procession)

The adorable flower girl, Aya Byrne, carries a headless doll.

The new Mr. and Mrs. leave in a hearse. Swoon!

There's an article on the event here, and more pictures at the link above the photos.

Best wedding ever, yes? I'm told it was planned in just two and a half weeks. Hopefully I'll get a few of their professional pictures to share, and I want some wedding details. Namely: CAKE!

Thanks for sharing, Nathan and Casey! I'm wishing you the best - in this life, and in the afterlife.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Aunt Becky and Uncle Jesse get married

Monday's post got me thinking about Full House, and specifically Aunt Becky. I've already divulged to you that I love 90210, so it shouldn't be a surprise that I tough out the new 90210 every week even though I'm pretty sure it won't be the episode where Dylan and Kelly* finally get back together. What does any of this have to do with Full House? Aunt Becky is on 90210 as the mom. If you haven't seen it, I'll spare you the trauma of learning that little baby Erin grows up to be a bi-polar sexpot, and tell you that Lori Loughlin looks great.

Anyway, back to Full House. It wasn't my favorite show, so I really don't remember the episode where Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky get married. Here are some pictures.

I'm too lazy to read the episode synopsis, but I'll bet this is the part where it seems like Jesse is just a party boy womanizer.

LOOK AT THAT VEIL! It probably can't even be called a veil. It's so large that it surely has a name and feelings. The spray of faux pearls, ribbons, and whatever else is going on is just...baffling.


This is the part where Jesse comes through for the family after all. The veil looks...less bad from this side, but unfortunately we can see that dress now. If the point of those flappy arm things is to make her look like a miniature's working. Lori Loughlin is so thin, she shouldn't wear such a giant dress.

Sigh. And then Uncle Jesse sings a terrible song. The veil looks like an unruly Muppet from this angle.

And the bridesmaid gowns. There are no words.

Well, actually there are words, and a much better recap of the episode here.

More faux pearls, more voluminous lace, and that horrendous Little Bo Peep outfit. HOW RUDE.

Kay Banks

*Are you team Brenda? Me too, sometimes. It depends on my mood.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Zack + Kelly = TruLuv

Mark-Paul Gosselaar guest starred on Weeds a few weeks ago, and I personally found grown-up Zack to be a little disturbing. Zack grew up? And he's cheating on Kelly? Not in my little world.

So today, just for anyone else who needs brain bleach after seeing Zack Morris smang Nathalie Newman, the wedding of Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski*.

Saved by the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas

Here's the cover of what I assume is the VHS tape of this wacky adventure. Zack and Kelly are already pretty grown up, and they're embracing the mid-nineties. Mark-Paul Gosselaar's hair is long, and Tiffani Thiessen's hair is short. You can tell from this unsettled pose that hijinks really ensue in Las Vegas.

Hey, look who shows up at the end of the wedding! It's Nomi Malone and she wants to know if Kelly has any ice.

Here's the wholesome couple. Considering all the cute little dresses that Kelly wore, I'm surprised by this incredibly modest gown. It has short sleeves and a wide, rounded neckline, with one of the heaviest, fullest skirts I've ever seen. Turn this gown blue or red and you have something that Barbara Bush would wear to a state dinner. Zack is wearing a traditional morning suit, and the flowers look as though they've been stolen off of an old lady's toilet tank display.

Oh, the nineties. Nothing is ever as I remember it.


Kay Banks

*Although, to me, she's not Kelly Kapowsky, she's the damaged and conniving Valerie Malone. I'll take 90210 (even the Brandon-less seasons) over SBTB any day.

** Yes, I'm bitter that Halloween is over, and I'm taking it out on Zack Morris.