Thursday, May 24, 2012

Punishment for a terrible person/bride

Remember this beyotch? The one who faked cancer to get cool stuff for her wedding?

Jessica Vega – scammer, bad person

We can all bask in our schadenfreude because she has been sentenced to repay everything she scammed – all $13,000 of it, and she looks miserable in her mugshot.

To which I say:


Though, really, how is she ever going to pay that off? Those people will never get their money back.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Zuckerberg got hitched

Who gives a shit about the boring founder of a social networking site? Obviously someone does because an incredibly boring movie was made about him. I don’t even care enough to even click the links that come up in my RSS feed screaming about Facebook’s founder getting married. It’s so zzz…zzz…sorry, what?

This morning, I overcame boredom, and clicked the link. This is the photo that captured my attention:


OHMAIGAH LOOK AT THAT DOG!!!!! It’s flipping adorable. His name is Beast, and he’s the cutest, cuddliest thing ever. Beast has his own Facebook page, and I’m pleased to see that Zuckerberg and his wife don’t refer to themselves as the dog’s Mommy and Daddy! because that is creepy and annoying.

Anyway, here’s the couple getting married:


Her name is Priscilla Chan, and she’s a lot better looking than he is. Also, I like her dress.


The wedding was a surprise for guests, who thought they were going to a graduation party for Priscizzzzz…zzzzz….

Sorry, what? Oh! Lookit! Pictures of dogs!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Wedding anniversary movies

If you’re not into celebrating your wedding anniversary in the traditional way, but you want to pay homage to the ages-old list of anniversary themes, I suggest movies. My husband and I did this recently because we thought it would be funny. It was.

I’m sure there are some less-obvious choices for every year – if you think of one, please email me, or leave a comment.



First anniversary – paper
Movie: Paper Moon, about a father saddled with what might be his daughter; set during the Great Depression. The father and daughter are played by real-life father/daughter team Ryan and Tatum O’Neal.



Second anniversary – cotton
Movie: The Cotton Club, another period piece about a famous Jazz club in Harlem. Directed by Francis Ford Coppola, it’s a crime/drama movie.



Third anniversary – leather
Movie: The Leather Boys, a rocker/biker couple in London in the 1960s. They couple is newly married, and their relationship is off to a rocky start. (Spoiler alert: he might be gay)



Fourth anniversary – linen or silk
Movie: People really hate the movie Silk (starring Keira Knightley and Michael Pitt, so obviously it is really bad), so I suggest a documentary about the Silk Road. I have not seen this documentary, but I think the Silk Road is fascinating! Imagine the guts it takes to cross an enormous desert in China with no modern technology or bottled water.



Fifth anniversary – wood
Movie: Ed Wood, a biopic about the director. Martin Landau is amazing, Sarah Jessica Parker asks if she really has a face like a horse, and Johnny Depp wears angora sweaters.



Sixth anniversary – iron
Movie: Iron Man, based on the comic book, he’s a super hero born from a terrible accident. Starring Robert Downey Jr., it’s just a fun movie to watch.



Seventh anniversary – wool
Movies: If you like dramas, check out Wool Cap, a story about a guy with PTSD who must care for an abandoned child (while he wears a wool cap). If you enjoy horror movies, and a solid reach on the wool theme, try Black Sheep, a quirky New Zealand horror movie about sheep (which is wear wool comes from).



Eighth anniversary – bronze
Movie: a well-liked documentary called The Bronze Screen: 100 Years of the Latino Image in American Cinema. Not strictly about bronze, but it will surely feature a few of your favorite Latino actors.


Ninth anniversary – pottery
Movies: Miss Potter, which is not about pottery, but Beatrix Potter the author, or if you’re the schmaltzy romantic type, you could watch Ghost for the famous pottery scene (HAHA).

Creepy Ghost/Aerosmith mashup. Shudder.


Tenth anniversary – tin
If you like awful, sports-based romcoms, you could watch the movie/punch line Tin Cup, or you could stretch the theme and watch the animated adventure movie The Adventures of Tin Tin.


Would you forego the fancy anniversary dinner for an evening on the sofa in pajamas? I would! In a heartbeat.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are “talking marriage”

I try not to completely shit all over people’s dreams, but:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp* HAHAHAhahahahahahaha…ha…oh.

hahaha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha *snort* ahahahahahaahahahahahaaaahahahahaa. ha. ha. hm. Ahem. Sorry**.


Just one month after going public with their romance, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are "very serious," a source tells the new Us Weekly -- as in, ready to pick out rings.

Although the reality star, 31, has yet to finalize her divorce from NBA star Kris Humphries, she and the rapper, 34, "are talking marriage," says the source. (Over the weekend, Kardashian jetted back from Washington, DC, where she was a guest at the White House Correspondents' Dinner Saturday, to be by West's side for a Sunday performance of Broadway's Wicked.)

**I am not sorry.