Thursday, May 24, 2012

Punishment for a terrible person/bride

Remember this beyotch? The one who faked cancer to get cool stuff for her wedding?

Jessica Vega – scammer, bad person

We can all bask in our schadenfreude because she has been sentenced to repay everything she scammed – all $13,000 of it, and she looks miserable in her mugshot.

To which I say:


Though, really, how is she ever going to pay that off? Those people will never get their money back.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Zuckerberg got hitched

Who gives a shit about the boring founder of a social networking site? Obviously someone does because an incredibly boring movie was made about him. I don’t even care enough to even click the links that come up in my RSS feed screaming about Facebook’s founder getting married. It’s so zzz…zzz…sorry, what?

This morning, I overcame boredom, and clicked the link. This is the photo that captured my attention:


OHMAIGAH LOOK AT THAT DOG!!!!! It’s flipping adorable. His name is Beast, and he’s the cutest, cuddliest thing ever. Beast has his own Facebook page, and I’m pleased to see that Zuckerberg and his wife don’t refer to themselves as the dog’s Mommy and Daddy! because that is creepy and annoying.

Anyway, here’s the couple getting married:


Her name is Priscilla Chan, and she’s a lot better looking than he is. Also, I like her dress.


The wedding was a surprise for guests, who thought they were going to a graduation party for Priscizzzzz…zzzzz….

Sorry, what? Oh! Lookit! Pictures of dogs!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Wedding anniversary movies

If you’re not into celebrating your wedding anniversary in the traditional way, but you want to pay homage to the ages-old list of anniversary themes, I suggest movies. My husband and I did this recently because we thought it would be funny. It was.

I’m sure there are some less-obvious choices for every year – if you think of one, please email me, or leave a comment.



First anniversary – paper
Movie: Paper Moon, about a father saddled with what might be his daughter; set during the Great Depression. The father and daughter are played by real-life father/daughter team Ryan and Tatum O’Neal.



Second anniversary – cotton
Movie: The Cotton Club, another period piece about a famous Jazz club in Harlem. Directed by Francis Ford Coppola, it’s a crime/drama movie.



Third anniversary – leather
Movie: The Leather Boys, a rocker/biker couple in London in the 1960s. They couple is newly married, and their relationship is off to a rocky start. (Spoiler alert: he might be gay)



Fourth anniversary – linen or silk
Movie: People really hate the movie Silk (starring Keira Knightley and Michael Pitt, so obviously it is really bad), so I suggest a documentary about the Silk Road. I have not seen this documentary, but I think the Silk Road is fascinating! Imagine the guts it takes to cross an enormous desert in China with no modern technology or bottled water.



Fifth anniversary – wood
Movie: Ed Wood, a biopic about the director. Martin Landau is amazing, Sarah Jessica Parker asks if she really has a face like a horse, and Johnny Depp wears angora sweaters.



Sixth anniversary – iron
Movie: Iron Man, based on the comic book, he’s a super hero born from a terrible accident. Starring Robert Downey Jr., it’s just a fun movie to watch.



Seventh anniversary – wool
Movies: If you like dramas, check out Wool Cap, a story about a guy with PTSD who must care for an abandoned child (while he wears a wool cap). If you enjoy horror movies, and a solid reach on the wool theme, try Black Sheep, a quirky New Zealand horror movie about sheep (which is wear wool comes from).



Eighth anniversary – bronze
Movie: a well-liked documentary called The Bronze Screen: 100 Years of the Latino Image in American Cinema. Not strictly about bronze, but it will surely feature a few of your favorite Latino actors.


Ninth anniversary – pottery
Movies: Miss Potter, which is not about pottery, but Beatrix Potter the author, or if you’re the schmaltzy romantic type, you could watch Ghost for the famous pottery scene (HAHA).

Creepy Ghost/Aerosmith mashup. Shudder.


Tenth anniversary – tin
If you like awful, sports-based romcoms, you could watch the movie/punch line Tin Cup, or you could stretch the theme and watch the animated adventure movie The Adventures of Tin Tin.


Would you forego the fancy anniversary dinner for an evening on the sofa in pajamas? I would! In a heartbeat.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are “talking marriage”

I try not to completely shit all over people’s dreams, but:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp* HAHAHAhahahahahahaha…ha…oh.

hahaha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha *snort* ahahahahahaahahahahahaaaahahahahaa. ha. ha. hm. Ahem. Sorry**.


Just one month after going public with their romance, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are "very serious," a source tells the new Us Weekly -- as in, ready to pick out rings.

Although the reality star, 31, has yet to finalize her divorce from NBA star Kris Humphries, she and the rapper, 34, "are talking marriage," says the source. (Over the weekend, Kardashian jetted back from Washington, DC, where she was a guest at the White House Correspondents' Dinner Saturday, to be by West's side for a Sunday performance of Broadway's Wicked.)

**I am not sorry.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

IKEA wedding

For some reason, I love stories about couples who get married in stores. It strikes me as really funny to get all fancied up in wedding finery, and then head out to Waffle House [link: Waffle House Wedding], or, in this case, IKEA.

Julie Rodgers and Willie Pittman got married at the College Park, Maryland IKEA. They decided it was the ideal spot, since their first date took place at IKEA in 2010.

The two went to school together over 30 years ago, and reconnected via the magic of the Internet.

They really do look happy and adorable

When Rodgers initially planned out her wedding, she just planned on sharing a few meatballs and taking pictures. However, when she contacted IKEA and told them her love story, they offered her space at the store for no charge. Additionally, the store decided to throw in linens, chairs, and food.

IKEA helped the couple put their special day together in the store’s restaurant.

About 25 guests filled the restaurant area of the store.

The ceremony

The wedding was held April 17, 2012

The happy bride

The groom has such a great smile

Aw, I love these stories! They make my grinch heart grow three sizes too large.


Photos: WTOP, ABC

Monday, April 23, 2012

RuPaul’s advice for brides

Several years ago, I mentioned my intense love for RuPaul’s Drag Race. Obviously, you guys like it too because the Drag Queen wedding shoot is one of my most-visited posts.

Link: RuPaul’s Drag Wedding

Nothing has changed. It’s still one of my  favorite shows, and I cannot wait to see who wins. Sharon Needles all the way, amirite?

Naturally, I’m looking for any way to tie a show I love into a blog I love, so here it is:


RuPaul tweets: If a bride doesn’t wear false eyelashes at her wedding, the marriage will most definitely be a complete & utter failure

Haha, oh Ru.

I hope that the All-Star season includes another wedding challenge because I will love it.

Happy Monday!

p.s. I am entertaining all hot tips to learn what Willam did to get kicked off. I can’t wait until next week, I wanna know now.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Bride does disgusting thing for weight loss

Anyone  who has spent any time in a hospital – visiting or as a patient – will agree that the NG tube is one of the most horrible experiences. NG means nasogastric intubation – a tube is shoved up the nose, down the throat, and into the stomach. Mostly, the NG tube is used to feed patients a nutritional goo during hospital stays.  Ask someone who’s had an NG tube what it was like and they’ll probably agree that it was one of the worst experiences of their life.

Knowing how horrible an NG tube can be, I’m horrified that anyone would do this:


This woman spent $1500 to lose 10 pounds – the method was a feeding tube. The same method used in hospitals to feed patients who can’t eat, or who are in a coma is being used to lose 10 vanity pounds. Sick sick sick.

I question the mental health of anyone who is so desperate to lose 10 pounds, and the ethics of a doctor who would do this to someone.

Full story, plus video here.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Woman fakes cancer to get lavish wedding

25-year-old Jessica Vega faked terminal leukemia so that she could have a luxurious wedding ceremony, reception, and Aruba honeymoon. She has just been indicted by a New York Grand Jury.

In 2010, Vega claimed that she was dying of cancer and that her dying wish was to marry the father of her child. The story caught on with her community, and there was an outpouring of donations to make this cancer-stricken woman’s dream come true.


FOR FREE the couple received wedding rings, flowers, a $1,200 gown, and the aforementioned Aruba vacation.

The husband, Michael O’Connell, filed for divorce four months after the wedding, when he found out about the scam. He is now accepting her back because she’s the mother of his two children.

The maximum prison sentence is 4 years. Her husband says his ex-wife should have to repay donors and apologize, not face jail time. (Wonder where that money will come from? Maybe she’ll steal it from a children’s charity?)

This story makes my blood boil. Every smug look I see of this horrible woman makes me want to do terrible things to her

If you don’t believe me, just look at her:

“Promise you’ll help again I really do get cancer!”

Sucks for her because she’s ugly on the inside.


p.s. heyyyy, I’m back!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Overplayed Wedding Songs

Please stop the madness.

Yep, you’re family. I knew it without the song.

(I guess the Village People are possessive over this song, so there’s no audio for this video. You’re welcome.)

I’ll admit this is a fun song, but it’s SO EXPECTED at a wedding.


Slow, boring treacle. Half of your guests will cry, the other half will roll their eyes or vomit.


Do I really need to tell you why this song is overplayed and inappropriate at weddings?


I am SO SICK of this cheesy song.


Personally, I think Nat King Cole, Etta James, and Louis Armstrong are timeless, so I disagree with people who say that people shouldn’t play songs like “Unforgettable”, “At Last”, and “What a Wonderful World”. They might be overplayed, but I’ll never get sick of them.

I would love to hear this at a wedding – especially for a first dance. Because, COME ON, it’s true:


Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Single ladies–it’s your day to propose

Did you know that February 29, aka Leap Year Day is the day when women propose to men? It’s the Sadie Hawkins Dance for proposals.

The tradition of a woman proposing on a leap year has been attributed to various historical figures. One, although much disputed, was St Bridget in the 5th Century. She is said to have complained to St Patrick that women had to wait too long for their suitors to propose. St Patrick then supposedly gave women a single day in a leap year to pop the question - the last day of the shortest month. Another popular story is that Queen Margaret of Scotland brought in a law setting fines for men who turned down marriage proposals put by women on a leap year. Skeptics have pointed out that Margaret was five years old at the time and living far away in Norway. The tradition is not thought to have become commonplace until the 19th Century.

Propose now Bessie, or I’ll hit you with my cane.

The practice of women proposing in a leap year is different around the world. In Denmark, it is not supposed to be 29 but 24 February, which hails back to the time of Julius Caesar. A refusal to marry by Danish men means they must give the woman 12 pairs of gloves. In Finland, it is not gloves but fabric for a skirt and in Greece, marriage in a leap year is considered unlucky, leading many couples to avoid it.

Forget engagements, I think it’s the perfect day to get married. Then you’d only have to remember once every four years, and it could be a big celebration.