Friday, July 30, 2010

Thank you, but no.

This is just an excuse to talk about Morrissey...

WHEN it comes to booking a wedding singer MORRISSEY is not the most chipper choice to put a smile on the face of the congregation. But RUSSELL BRAND and KATY PERRY have asked the miserable Manc to do the honours - even though he's told them not to tie the knot.

We're not tourists, we're just enlightened.

Katy said: "I met Morrissey for the first time the other day and we had tea together. He's Russell's mate [Katy Perry said "mate". I doubt it, The Sun] and he is fascinating but he was giving us a hard time about getting married. He swooned and sighed, 'Oh, left hand third finger, don't do it.' It was just so eloquent and poetic and like one of his songs."

Morrissey - Will Never Marry
Uploaded by samithemenace. - See the latest featured music videos.

I suppose that classic lyric-writing comes in handy when you need to say something out of order. But Mozza - who Russ named his beloved cat after - has still been invited to this autumn's nuptials in India.

Katy added: "It would be great to have him at the wedding but I told him, 'We can't have a Mr Misery like you messing things up.' It's going to be a small ceremony, so I don't think we'll have a proper band. I'd love to have Morrissey."

Hahaha, I love that he was so typically dramatic about getting married. Given all the bitchy stories I've read about Morrissey, I'm surprised he didn't send an assistant to have tea with Katy Perry so that he wouldn't have to.

Have a dreary and romantically soul-crushing weekend.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Beheadded bride

If you are planning a Victorian-themed horror wedding, I found the perfect cake toppers for you.

I'm not sure that they're actually cake toppers, and there's no groom, but I think they're hilariously awesome.

The artist has a few more macabre/Victorian things on her site. They're perfect if you belong to the same secret club as these'am.


One USB ring to rule them all

Since Monday's post of the "heart claddagh" ring, I've been thinking that there's probably some geek couple out there somewhere that would appreciate a disgusting internet meme ring. She could wear the heart, and he could wear this:

Ray Arifianto is a game developer for Microsoft, and his bride wanted to show her support for his extreme nerdiness, so she had a ring custom made to look like a USB drive.

It's not a working ring, but I love the idea and it's cool that the bride would get her groom such a thoughtful geeky wedding ring.


P.S. Thanks to you-know-who-you-are for the link!

Monday, July 26, 2010


Since you, miss, madam, or sir, are classy, you don't understand why this is funny:

But I am not classy, and I'm a citizen of the internet too, so I'm LMFAO at the poor schlub who buys this ring as a present or (gasp) an engagement ring without knowing what it REALLY is.





Friday, July 23, 2010

Do you want to get married in a retail store?

I've covered many weddings inside retail locations, and the trend must be over because it's becoming a normal thing to do.

From the Consumerist:
A few months back, we wrote about a couple in Illinois who tried to combine cheap with hilarious by getting married at a Taco Bell. For better or for worse, it looks like that happy couple is not alone, with an increasing number of people walking down the aisles of retail stores and restaurants.

Take for example one couple in Michigan who will have the honor of being the first to say their "I do"s inside a TJ Maxx this summer. Explains the bride, "The one constant in my life, no matter what, has always been T.J. Maxx."

Then there's Home Depot. The chain of hardware stores has already played host to around half a dozen weddings, which they don't charge a fee for since most of the materials used for the ceremony -- buckets, planks of wood -- go right back into the store's inventory afterward.

If hand-blended ice cream flavors and annoying names for cone sizes is your thing, then look no further than Cold Stone Creamery for your special day. Two Cold Stone employees recently got hitched at their place of employment for free. But a rep for the company advises that such decisions are up to each independently owned store.

Says an editor from wedding website
“Brides are obsessed with making their wedding different from anyone else's... In some cases, too, I think the economy might play into it, where people are really trying to be resourceful.”

I'd rather get married at T.J. Maxx than go into crazy debt for a wedding - I guess I'm not the only one!


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Stupid questions from the wedding party

Most people have worked a retail job, so everyone can relate to this confusing exchange between customer and clerk:

(I work in a custom ceramics shop were we offer a touch-up/repainting service. A woman in a formal dress comes in with an armful of garden gnomes.)

Customer: “I need these gnomes to match this dress.”

Me: “Okay, we can do that. Do you mind if we take a picture for reference?”

Customer: “It’s for a wedding.”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Customer: “It’s this afternoon.”

Me: “This afternoon?”

Customer: “Yes, at three. What, did you think I just walked around dressed like this all the time?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t help you. It would take the better part of a day just to paint all these little guys, and it takes at least three hours for the glaze to dry completely.”

Customer: “You don’t need to paint them! Just get them to change their little clothes!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are garden gnomes.”

Customer: “Exactly! Now, unfreeze them and make them change! I’m going to be late!”

It sounds like a joke, but for some reason people turn off their brains when they walk into stores, so I believe it.


Monday, July 19, 2010

The hot Old Spice dude proposes to another guy's girl

In case you missed last week's internet meme, you can find most of it here. It's the Old Spice guy (real name: Isaiah Mustafa), famous for crazy, all-in-one-take commercials, making You Tube videos in response to people's questions. One guy asked him to propose to his girlfriend, and she said yes. Because, seriously, WHO WOULDN'T SAY YES TO THIS GUY? I think there are some very hetero guys out there who would say yes to a marriage proposal from him.

A fan named Johannes S. Beals tweeted, “Can U Ask my girlfriend to marry me? Her name is Angela A. Hutt-Chamberlin” to Old Spice. The following video popped up on YouTube within an hour, and Old Spice tweeted it at Beals.

Of course, Ms. Hutt hyphen Chaimberlin said yes, and here's the proof:

Sadly, Old Spice Man has signed off (hopefully he remains shirtless), but we'll always be the best internet friends.


Friday, July 16, 2010

Gay weddings legalized in Argentina

Argentina has legalized gay marriage, so let's look at some wedding accessories that might become popular there:

Funny wedding invitations! Everyone is so formal with their invitations, so these are unexpected.

From Wedinator:
Shelley and Laura
Request the pleasure of your company
as they help destroy
the sanctity of marriage

Cake toppers:

What's wrong with these guys? Why are they on different tiers of the cake? Is it a nod to their past of being helpful boy scouts or is the other guy just late to his own wedding? The description lists them as "helpful". Maybe that's some kind of stereotype I've never heard.

To round out the gay wedding planning, everyone needs a drunk groomsman to make a toast:

If you have 8 minutes and you want to feel as though you are are really at a wedding, watch the whole thing. Otherwise, skip forward to 3:30 to see it slowly fall apart. It's not HAHA scripted funny, but oh no, this is incredibly awkward funny.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Mah boyfriend got married

Two days after getting married in Lake Como, Italy, Saturday, newlyweds John Krasinki and Emily Blunt touched down at Los Angeles' LAX airport.

The two held hands and kept their sunglasses on as they picked up their bags. Blunt flashed her new wedding ring. See more pics of Blunt's bling.

Blunt, 27, donned a custom cream chiffon sweetheart draped Marchesa gown with embroidered detail to say "I Do" to her The Office star, 30, who proposed last year with a 3-carat diamond and platinum ring designed by Neil Lane worth $100,000.

"It was an outdoor ceremony and absolutely beautiful," an insider told of the nuptials, which were attended by George Clooney and his Italian girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis. Blunt and Krasinski had been staying at Clooney's nearby Lake Como estate since the July 4th weekend.

They seem pretty normal for celebrities, so maybe their relashionship will be another Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward or Patrick Swayze and Lisa Niemi. I mean, unless John wants to run away with me!


Monday, July 12, 2010

Why do women cover their face during a marriage proposal?

When my husband proposed, I think I looked at him in disbelief, but I don't think that I covered my face with my hands. In fact, I can say with all certainty, that even when I'm REALLY surprised I don't cover my face (but I do make silly faces). This article says that I'm in the minority. It is really common for people to cover their faces after receiving a marriage proposal.

Marriage proposals can get pretty creative, but often the reactions are the same. Women typically cover their faces once they realize what is happening. Psychologist David Rose says our faces tell people what we're feeling, and at the moment of a proposal, the emotions are so intense that not covering the face would feel like being naked in public.

Rose told NPR that it might be cause for concern if a woman doesn't engage in this form of "shielding." He said:

"It's as though the woman is thinking, 'Oh, my god, this is going deep into my soul, what am I showing here?' When I see the very few who don't do it, I wonder, what does this mean? Are they unusually non-emotional? Does it mean they don't care about this guy? I don't know."


P.S. Hey! Congratulate me on my dedication! I had a lot of extremely unexpected stuff to do today, and this is the first time I've had to myself in almost three days but I'm here POSTING FOR YOU, dear reader. Ouch, I think I just twisted my arm patting myself on the back...

Friday, July 9, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a weener

This poor photographer:

Oh, did you think I meant a winner? Because I meant that too! The winner of the $25 giftcard giveaway is RJ! I'll be emailing her shortly with the details. Thanks to everyone who entered, and thanks especially to Diamond Favors wedding favors for their generosity.


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Marriage in the time of Sparta

Just last week I was teasing a 20-year-old guy/man/kid about getting his news from Mad Magazine, and here I am regurgitating something that I found on Cracked. But Cracked has links to other things to back their stories up, and this kid just had a wild-ass story about David Bowie's eye, so I stand firmly by today's post.

Modern brides will do anything to get that perfect wedding day. Hair, nails, facials, dresses made of golden gossamer fairy wings; no expense is spared to play the part of the pretty, pretty princess on that special day. The brides of ancient Sparta were just like modern brides, if we were in Oppositeville.

A bald bride From f_rim (ephraim)

For starters, they began the big day by shaving their heads. Second, they donned men's clothes and sandals. Then, instead of participating in a ridiculously expensive ceremony with family and friends, prospective brides laid alone in the dark on a pallet, waiting for their grooms to come and steal them away in the night. Once a groom had his way with his new bride, he deposited her shaved, man-clothed self back at her parent's home. Done. Married. Que romantico!

She wouldn't see him again until the next night, or the night after that. Sometimes, years could go by before these married lovebirds actually saw each other in the daytime.


According to some historians, to help ease the Spartan groom into heterosexuality.

Spartan men were avid practitioners of dude-love. While we might be tempted to think this made them champions of gay rights, the reality was that women were so poorly regarded in ancient Greece that, not only weren't they regarded as citizens, they didn't even deserve your warm pork injection.

The problem was that when the time came to do their duty to their species, Spartan men didn't even know where to stick their bits. So to facilitate the soldier's transition from gay love to straight love, brides shaved away their femininity and threw on some man clothes.
As for the sneaking around stuff, Spartan men were required to live in military barracks until the age of 30, but the average age of marriage for men was 25. So most couples married, did the hanky-panky in the woods or whatever, made some babies, and didn't even live in the same household for the first few years of their marriages. Hey, we wonder how the Spartan men comforted each other over the absence of the women in their lives? Eh, we'll probably never know.

Here's the less-vulgar (and less-entertaining) scoop from Wikipedia:
Spartan men were required to marry at age 30, after completing the Krypteia [training]. Plutarch reports the peculiar customs associated with the Spartan wedding night:

The custom was to capture women for marriage(...) The so-called 'bridesmaid' took charge of the captured girl. She first shaved her head to the scalp, then dressed her in a man's cloak and sandals, and laid her down alone on a mattress in the dark. The bridegroom—who was not drunk and thus not impotent, but was sober as always—first had dinner in the messes, then would slip in, undo her belt, lift her and carry her to the bed. [sounds like an easy bridesmaid job? I'd rather shave the bride's head than plan a bridal shower, bachelorette party, AND wear a stupid dress]

The husband continued to visit his wife in secret for some time after the marriage. These customs, unique to the Spartans, have been interpreted in various ways. The "abduction" may have served to ward off the evil eye, and the cutting of the wife's hair was perhaps part of a rite of passage that signalled her entrance into a new life.

And, just to make this as TL;DR as possible, more information:
Marriage was stressed highly in Spartan society, specifically in the proliferation of young healthy children. However, the marriage ceremony for a Spartan man and woman was not highly ritualized. The woman was abducted in the night, her head would be shaved, and she was made to wear men's clothing and lye on a straw pallet in the dark. The groom afterward would return to the barrack of young men, and would have little or no contact with the bride from thereafter, save for purely procreative visits. A Spartan male could have multiple wives, (anthropologically known as polygamy) but lived mostly amongst his mess and barrack mates with little connection to the opposite sex. Until the age of thirty or onward, a Spartan man's life was entirely dedicated to his state and to the army.

And now you can go about your day knowing that you have an interesting tidbit of information to share at that wedding you don't want to attend this summer. You're welcome!

-Kay Banks

Monday, July 5, 2010

Joe Francis the Girls Gone Wild guy is engaged

Seems like 'Girls Gone Wild' founder, Joe Francis, has found the love of his life. Francis, one of Hollywood's most notorious men, is reportedly engaged to Los Angeles local news reporter, Christina McLarty. Christina is the niece of Bill Clinton's former White House chief of staff, Mack McLarty. She is currently an entertainment reporter at CBS 2 and KCAL 9 (LA TV stations).

The beautiful brunette attended New York University where she majored in Broadcast Journalism and English. She has previously worked for E! Entertainment's 'Fashion File.' Some of her most notable subjects include Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton (whom she interned for) Diane Sawyer, Clint Eastwood and Warren Beatty.

I know nothing about her and little about him, but here is my prediction that I just came up with: The two will have a bunch of kids that will eventually go on to become the Kardashians or the Hiltons of tomorrow. They'll have reality shows on E!, gossip-worthy body parts, and join forces to become an unstoppable media gravy train. Joe Francis will be featured on one of the shows and, like Ozzy and Gene Simmons, will become a dopey comedy foil. We'll forget that Joe Francis ever took pictures of underage boobs and evaded his taxes and say things at parties like "That Joe Francis...he's just like my uncle! Who knew?!"


Don't forget to send me an email with the subject "LOVE DIAMONDS" to enter to win a $25 gift certificate toward wedding favors!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Win a $25 gift card for wedding favors (Giveaway time!)

Hello faithful readers and newcomers who like to enter giveaways! I have a $25 gift certificate for Diamond Favors to give to one lucky person. To enter send me an email (bloggerofthebride-at-gmail-dot-com) with the subject "Love Diamonds". The winner will be announced next Friday.

Diamond Favors doesn't just have wedding favors, they also have wedding accessories like unity candles and flower girl baskets, and bridal shower favors, and even baby shower favors. Here are a few of my favorites...

A pretty fan with cherry blossoms and branches - nice for a warm summer wedding or match the popular cherry blossom wedding motif.

These mini pails are cute because I am a sucker for anything mini that also contains candy.

And these little bamboo boxes are perfect for you tree-hugging hippies who want to use sustainable materials, or just for people who like cute little boxes.

So, send me an email right away for a chance to win a $25 gift certificate toward anything on the Diamond Favors site. Good luck!