Thank you, but no.

This is just an excuse to talk about Morrissey...

WHEN it comes to booking a wedding singer MORRISSEY is not the most chipper choice to put a smile on the face of the congregation. But RUSSELL BRAND and KATY PERRY have asked the miserable Manc to do the honours - even though he's told them not to tie the knot.


We're not tourists, we're just enlightened.

Katy said: "I met Morrissey for the first time the other day and we had tea together. He's Russell's mate [Katy Perry said "mate". I doubt it, The Sun] and he is fascinating but he was giving us a hard time about getting married. He swooned and sighed, 'Oh, left hand third finger, don't do it.' It was just so eloquent and poetic and like one of his songs."


Morrissey - Will Never Marry
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I suppose that classic lyric-writing comes in handy when you need to say something out of order. But Mozza - who Russ named his beloved cat after - has still been invited to this autumn's nuptials in India.

Katy added: "It would be great to have him at the wedding but I told him, 'We can't have a Mr Misery like you messing things up.' It's going to be a small ceremony, so I don't think we'll have a proper band. I'd love to have Morrissey."

Hahaha, I love that he was so typically dramatic about getting married. Given all the bitchy stories I've read about Morrissey, I'm surprised he didn't send an assistant to have tea with Katy Perry so that he wouldn't have to.

Have a dreary and romantically soul-crushing weekend.

-Kay