Monday, November 30, 2009

The Wedding Singer Musical

I love the movie the Wedding Singer. It has Drew Barrymore, lots of silly stuff from the '80s, a great soundtrack, and Billy Idol. When that movie came out, the soundtrack was in my trunk-mounted CD changer (remember those?) for forever.

So, would you see the musical theater version of the Wedding Singer? I'm a sucker for local theater. I will (and have) sat patiently through the most torturous of plays. The Wedding Singer musical is a tour, and you can visit this website to find out more about the dates and locations. The reviews are mostly good with a few people who really hated it.

It won't let me embed, but you can see a little clip here: The Wedding Singer musical

And here's one of the songs

Eh... It seems really corny. I do love musicals, but not the ones where they sing conversations. The rhyming is pretty bad as they desperately attempt to sing every discussion and plot point.

Personally, I'll stick to the movie, but if you really love musicals, you should check it out!

What do you think? I don't care, because I have the microphone so you WILL LISTEN TO MEEEEEEE!

Just kidding!


P.S. In case you're wondering my favorite musical is still Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I have the DVD and the soundtrack, but I couldn't make it to New York to see it so I purchased a bootleg recording on the internet. Don't tell JCM!

Friday, November 27, 2009

November wedding

In 1992 I was a pre-teen and I saw this video on Mtv (don't tell my parents, because I wasn't allowed to watch Mtv at the time). I was pretty much in love from the moment it started, so of course I ran out to The Wherehouse music store and bought the tape single (seriously).

Guns n' Roses is not even close to being one of my favorite bands, but I still love this song and the overly emo video. According to the always correct Wikipedia, it is still one of the most expensive music videos ever made, with the wedding dress alone worth $8,000. Holy crap!

This is half a dress at best. Why was it $8k?

More: Much speculation exists about the event of how Seymour's character [the bride] in the video died. Alternate interpretations include the bride being struck by lightning during the wedding reception to being killed by Axl's character or by suicide. During the funeral sequence, a mirror is visible, covering over half her face, a technique used by funeral homes to allow victims of head trauma to have the appearance of a full face in the event of an open casket funeral. I had always wondered about the piece covering her face in the funeral scene.

The only part I don't like is when the November rain starts and the guests start diving over the tables and someone smashes the cake. What the hell? That poor, innocent cake.

That's all the silliness I have for you today. If you're like me, you'll be staying in and avoiding all the alleged deals at the malls. Have a wonderful weekend!


Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is a day of thanks, so I would like to thank you for reading this blog! I genuinely enjoy keeping up with the silly and weird side of weddings. I am thankful for my health, my husband, my family and all of my fabulous friends.

The First Thanksgiving by Jean Louis Gerome Ferris

Here are some posts from the past about life-long celebrity couples. Aw! Hope you have a delicious day!

Harry and Bess Truman's wedding

Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward's wedding

Patrick Swayze's wedding

Gene Roddenberry and Majel Barrett's wedding



Kay's Thanksgiving movie suggestion - Addams Family Values. I still love that movie like crazy, especially the play from camp. "EAT ME! Hey, it's Thanksgiving day...."

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

French woman marries fiance posthumously

Here's a news story to bum you out:

A French woman whose fiance asked her to marry him two days before he was killed in a car crash has been granted a posthumous white wedding in their village. Magali Jaskiewicz, who has been grieving for her partner since his death a year ago, became his legal widow in a ceremony held with family and friends. The 26-year-old, who had lived with Jonathan George for six years and had two children with him, stood beside a portrait of her late partner as the marriage rites were read in Dommary-Baroncourt in the east of France.

Under French law posthumous marriages are possible as long as evidence exists that the deceased person had the intention while alive of wedding their partner. According to Christophe Caput, the mayor who married Jaskiewicz, her request was "rock solid". The couple had come to the town hall on 25 November last year asking to be married in January, he said. But two days later the 25-year-old groom-to-be was killed in a road accident.

Magali Jaskiewicz married the late Jonathan George who died in a car accident in France. Photograph: Franck Lallemand/Photoshot

"The bride had even bought her wedding dress," added Caput. Wearing that same dress, Jaskiewicz married the father of her two daughters on Saturday. "I'm not really in the mood to celebrate," she told journalists. "We're going to drink a cup of coffee and I will thank those who have supported me."

Caput, visibly moved by the ceremony, said that the young bride had "become a widow at her wedding". Jaskiewicz, who will now take the name of her late husband, wears his ring around her neck. Government figures show that posthumous weddings, although unusual, are not as rare as might be expected. Dozens are said to take place in France each year.

I'm not sure what the point of a posthumous marriage is, but I feel for this woman.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Couple has wedding blessed in a cemetery

Samantha Smyth, 25, and husband Paul Adams, 33, met in their local pub eight years ago and married in a traditional registry office with two witnesses in February. However the couple from Wisbech, Cambs., had really wanted a gothic wedding in their local graveyard – but realised it would mean their marriage was not legally recognised. [I wish it explained why it would not be a legal marriage] So they decided to fulfil their dream by having a blessing, eight months after their ''legal wedding'', in Wisbech General Cemetery. It was performed by a Spiritualist minister, as 40 family and friends gathered around the disused four acre site's ancient stone chapel.

Despite driving rain mother-of-three Samantha wore a white gown, flecked with strips of red material and completed her outfit with a black fur coat and black flowers in her hair. Her bridesmaids and daughter, Raveena, nine wore matching outfits while her son Kurt, six, wore and AC DC T-shirt [hahahaha] and six-month-old baby Nathan wore a sailor suit. Samantha and Paul, who have three children, live just 200 yards from the cemetery where they have walked their three dogs daily for the last two years. [Three kids by 25? These people have been busy.]

Samantha, who is from a family of Catholics, said friends thought she was mad when she told them she was having the £2000 wedding in a graveyard. She said: ''My dad, who is a hard-core Catholic didn't believe me when I told him but when I showed him the site – he just said to do whatever made me happy. ''We had a wonderful day and it was actually very peaceful and tranquil with all the graves and trees sweeping over the chapel.''

My photo of the haunting and overgrown Highgate Cemetery outside of London

Following the blessing the couple returned to their local pub [English people in a pub? NEVER!] where they cut their giant French Fancy wedding cake with a metre-long Scottish broad sword. Paul added: ''It's a kind of a strange place but it is a really pretty building and everybody really enjoyed the blessing.''

I would totally have my wedding in a cemetery! Not to make this week all about my Europe/UK trip, but Mr. Kay Banks and I visited 8 cemeteries during our trip and all of them were beautiful or strange in their own way. Cemeteries would make great wedding locations because they are always full of flowers, they are quiet, and they are usually well-maintained. We all know what happens when weddings take place in a public park.


Monday, November 23, 2009

Princess Diana's wedding champagne auctioned off

I really do love weddings, and I frequently like celebrity weddings because they are splashy and luxe, but I do not like Princess Diana and Prince Charles wedding stories. I genuinely don't understand the fascination with their wedding day. As I've already mentioned, I didn't like her dress, and I didn't think their cake looked nice or tasty, so you can guess that I rolled my eyes when I read this article:

A bottle of champagne from Britain's Prince Charles' wedding to Diana is expected to fetch £1,200 [roughly $2000 US] at auction. Princess Diana had given the 1961 vintage Dom Perignon to Brian Ames, manager of exclusive London store Harrods, as a 50th birthday present in 1988, seven years after she married the heir to the throne.

My own photo of the Moet and Chandon gift shop. The largest bottle (I believe a Nebuchadnezzar) was $2000. I'd much rather have the giant bottle than an old, potentially undrinkable bottle.

Its 1961 vintage was selected as it was the year of the bride's birth. James Grinter of auction house Reeman Dansie, said: "It is very rare to find a Royal Wedding bottle of 1961 Dom Perignon because it was a strictly limited release and even rarer to find it still sealed in its original box."

It is understood that just 99 bottles of the vintage - regarded as one of the finest ever produced - were shipped across from the France's Champagne region for the wedding. All are believed to have been consumed at the Buckingham Palace reception after the wedding, watched by an estimated 1,000 million people worldwide. [By 1,000 million do they mean a billion? Numbers aren't really my strong point, but that seems impossible somehow.]

A little research calls up the fact that many bottles of this vintage are worthless or sold only for collecting because they might have been stored improperly. A bottle in good condition can go for $1000US, so the Princess Diana factor adds at least $1000 to the value. The article doesn't state the condition of the bottle up for auction.

I love champagne, but $2000 for a bottle that I potentially can't drink? No thank you! Also, not to brag (okay, maybe a little) but earlier this year I visited Moet and Chandon in Epernay and it was worth the trip. If you love champagne as much as I do, you'll appreciate the chance to get tipsy before lunch in an incredibly beautiful French countryside.


p.s. Just so you know, I'm a hypocrite. If someone offered me something that Lucille Ball had at her wedding, I would consider paying $2000 for it because I love her.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Autocomplete me - Nihongo edition

Last week I posted a few wedding-related autocompletes from Google's wacky suggestions. The Japan Blog had the same idea with their post Japanese Google Suggestions are Suggestive. These are more appropriate for after the wedding than before:

From Japan Probe:
Japanese blogs are abuzz with the funny search suggestions Google gives if you type in the character for husband or wife and press space. The what was different, and what was the same made for humor, but I hope these results aren’t a sign of serous problems in Japanese homes. Let’s break them down (the English glosses are mine, and I took liberties with the subjects and tone):

For husbands (夫):

夫 死んで欲しい I wish my husband would die
夫 嫌い I hate my husband
夫 小遣い 平均 How much spending money should I let him have
夫 言葉の暴力 Hubby’s verbally abusive
夫 小遣い Husband’s allowance
夫 呼び方 What to call husbands
夫 死亡 手続き The process for a husband’s death
夫 うつ Husband is depressed
夫 失業 Hubby’s got no job
夫死亡く年金 Husband’s death pension

On the other hand, searches for wife (妻) brought up:

妻 誕生日プレゼント birthday presents for the missus
妻 誕生日プレゼント ランキング ranking of birthday presents for the missus
妻 プレゼント presents for the missus
妻 ヒステリー My wife be all hysterical
妻 呼び方 What to call wives
妻 うつ wife is depressed
妻 プレゼント ランキングranking of presents for the missus
妻 謙譲語 Humble language for wives
妻 未届 Failure to report wife [related to de facto marriages, I think]
妻 焼酎 wife shouchuu [a brand of alcoholic drink]

I love wacky literal English translations like "My wife be all hysterical", but I feel sad for the husbands of the women who search for "Husband's death pension" In fact, most of the husband autocomplete searches are just mean or sad. Poor husbands! Especially since most of the wife autocompletes are concerns for the wife's happiness.

Something to think about on this glorious, glorious Friday.

Happy Weekend!

Kay Banks

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Disney Princess dresses

Hot off of some old press releases, here are the Disney Princess inspired gowns to go with yesterday's wedding rings. I know these dresses are just supposed to be inspired by the cartoons, but they could at least pretend like they watched these movies before making the designs. These gowns are really nice, but clearly not Disney inspired, just Disney branded. (Like Krusty-brand eyewash)

Ariel - this looks nothing like the dress that Ariel wore at her wedding. I remember Ariel's gown having a very full skirt. Also, Ariel was fifteen. Why the hell was she getting married? If Ariel was going to inspire a gown, I think it should be a fit-and-flare gown with a sweetheart neckline that's reminiscent of Ariel as a mermaid.

Belle - I strongly remember Belle's beautiful yellow gown from Beauty and the Beast, and it looked nothing like this. It was more like a corset with a frosted cake at the bottom. I loved that dress.

Cinderella - I can kind of see this one being inspired by Cinderella. Cinderella's gown did have straps or cap sleeves and she had those two panels on her hips and a full skirt. I'm willing to play along with this gown.

Giselle - This one is inspired by Enchanted. Neither dress that I remember from the movie looks anything like this one. The first one had giant, puffy sleeves, and the other had small, puffy cap sleeves with an empire waist. Those dresses were even on an actual human! How could they not at least kind of make it look like the dresses from the movie?!

Jasmine - Just, no. I don't know much about fashion, but isn't this more of a Grecian gown?

Sleeping Beauty - this dress is the winner. I wouldn't wear it, but I think it's the one that most looks like the movie dress. Princess Aurora had a full skirt, two seams up the bodice, and sleeves on her off-the-shoulder gown. To me, this dress is an embroidery nightmare, but it really does look princessy, and I'm sure a real girl could pull this off if she could get the dress out of the Windows XP backdrop.

Snow White - This one is a big fat fail. It looks nothing like Snow White's gown. Adding to that, it's boring and generic.

Tiana from the unreleased movie. I like the bodice, but it's really obvious from all that material under the model's arm that it doesn't fit very well.

Overall, I'm not a fan of these dresses. Mostly it seems like they borrowed from popular wedding gowns and then stamped a name on them. I can't see a Snow White lover buying a dress just to get the name "Snow White" on the tag.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Disney Princess-themed wedding rings

If you're interested in wearing overpriced jewellery that was loosely modeled from Disney princesses, you'll like these rings. I don't like big honkin' engagement rings, so they're not for me, but I love most things Disney, so I'm interested in at least looking at them. This is the collection of Disney princess-inspired rings. There are bands and engagement rings ranging from $1800 - $5000.

Snow White - I'm not sure how round diamonds mean Snow White? I thought maybe there would be seven stones to represent the Seven Dwarfs, but it's just a bunch of round diamonds.

Sleeping Beauty - again, how do square diamonds represent Princess Aurora? I guess I vaguely recall some sort of royal shield, but I most remember the fairies that raised her and her color-changing dress.

Jasmine - I think this ring is slightly more successful since the angular design is probably based on the middle eastern fondness for patterns rather than nature-inspired designs, but Princess Jasmine had a large oval on her tiara, so...?

Cinderella - everyone knows that washwomen don't wear diamonds. What do the two side stones represent? Anastasia and Drizella? A life-long memory of her two evil step-sisters, and a stone for every floor Cinderella scrubbed in their castle. Uninteresting side note: I asked my mom to make me a Lady Tremaine costume for Halloween one year and I ended up with a witch costume. Curse my love for obscure villains!

Cinderella Band - eh. It's just a band.

Belle - it's just a very simple three-stone ring. There must be more than this provincial ring to prove some tie to Belle?

Belle band

Ariel - First, can we talk for a minute? I liked the Little Mermaid. It was one of the better Disney movies of my childhood. The music was fun, I love sea life, and Eric was one of the better looking princes, but it all went to hell when my grade school BFF wanted to watch The Little Mermaid every day after school. Sometimes, we watched it twice. It seemed to be the only movie that her family owned on VHS, so we always watched that stupid tape. I begged her to do anything but watch the Little Mermaid again, but she refused, so now I can't stand that flame-haired brat. Sigh. I feel so much better. Thanks for listening.
Ahem, Ariel - I think this is one of the better rings. I can kind of see the round stones on the side being air bubbles and then the square stones transition to the center stone that kind of looks like that rock that Ariel washed up on. I know it's a stretch, but I really can see it.

Ariel band - it's plain, but it would go nicely with the Ariel ring.

But where is my favorite princess, Mulan? Oh, that's right, Mulan isn't a princess, she's an ass-kicking warrior. She had a pet dragon before he left to live with her ancestors, amazing sword skills, and THE hottest boyfriend Shang. Even though his singing voice was Donny Osmond, I still loved him.

Kay Banks

You're probably thinking "I never realized I was reading a blog written by a Mulan-lover. I will always love ________ and I can't imagine that anyone could love anyone other than her!" Let's still be friends, okay? I like that princess too, she's just not my favorite.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Awkward parents of the bride

This photo from Awkward Family Photos has been floating around for ages, and I haven't posted it, even though it always makes me laugh.

Maybe it's funnier for me because I totally identify with this bride. I, too, am hapa, I look like my dad, and I make that same face. I have no idea what the dad is trying to relate to the person behind the camera, but if he's anything like my dad it's "Hey! I'm paying a lot for this, go do what I want you to do, but I'm not going to explain what I want! GO!" I can't tell if the mom is shushing him, or if she's also yelling at this annoying/disgusting person behind the camera. I just know that this photo is hilarious, and I totally want to hang out with these people at a family function. I'll bet they're loud and fun.


Monday, November 16, 2009

New wedding game for the Nintendo DS

I haven't played my DS since I finally gave up on my Animal Crossing town, Bellview. It was a beautiful town with lots of flowers, and trees...except for that one stupid koala who would never move. I tried hitting her with my net, I tried being rude to her and telling her that her outfit looked ugly, but she would never, ever move! Maybe I could reconnect with my DS by playing the new game Wedding Dash.

The description is funny and painfully true: Help Quinn, a hopeful wedding planner, make wedding bells ring! Featuring the hilarious ups and downs of wedding day drama... Help couples select all the details - from tasty cakes to gorgeous flowers. But once they've tied the knot, look out for obstacles preventing the perfect party - tipsy guests, falling cakes, and catty bridesmaids are just the beginning. Its' a fast paced challenge to execute a flawless event, but for the determined Quinn, it's all in a day's work!

I always like stressful games like this - it doesn't matter how silly the task is, I will concentrate to the point where I'm holding my breath. Priced at only $20, I'm considering buying this game. It sounds like nerve-wracking fun.

Happy Monday,

Kay Banks

p.s. Whenever I hear about girls named Quinn, I hear the squeaky voice of Daria's sister "Duh, Dariaaaaaaaaa" The character even kind of looks like her with the red hair and bangs. But is she wearing leggings or stretch pants? Just keep breathing, they're leggings, leggings!

Friday, November 13, 2009

My parents were awesome - wedding photos

My Parents Were Awesome is one of my favorite blogs. I love vintage photos, and especially vintage wedding photos. Here are a few of my favorite wedding photos from the last few weeks.

Submitted by Daren, this is Dewitt and Delores cutting their classic wedding cake. I love the hair and the groom's fat tie.

This is Bill and Jane, parents of Chris. They look so incredibly young. In her short wedding dress the bride looks like a little doll.

Verne and Reta are Margo's parents. Because she's wearing white, I'm assuming this is a wedding photo, but I am probably wrong. I love the sweetheart neckline on the bride and her daring hair.

This one is my favorite. This is Elba and Juan Jose. She's carrying her enormous platform wedding shoes, and he's carrying her across the threshold into their love den. I love her the camera. Like we don't know what they're going to do.

There are tons of other awesome vintage photos at the site.

Have a great weekend!

-Kay Banks

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Google autocompletes your wedding thoughts

As an homage to one of my new favorite blogs Autocomplete Me, here are two funny Google suggestions about weddings and marriage.

Marriage is...for white people?

Weddings are...a waste of money, bullshit, too expensive, ridiculous, overrated, and boring. I kind of agree, but they can also be fun. You just have to know which weddings to go to. Open bar, fun location, great couple, short ceremony = RSVP YES. Very conservative religious family, weeknight wedding, limited/no/cash bar = RSVP NO.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Free wedding gown for military brides

I normally ignore press releases in the form of "news stories" but this one makes me happy. A charity called Brides Across America, in partnership with many independent gown stores, is giving away wedding gowns to women who have been deployed overseas, or the women marrying deployed soldiers.

Visit the Brides Across America website for a list of participating stores. The giveaway is today, Veteran's Day.

And because I'm failing at finding an appropriate image for this post, please accept this hilariously ugly, patriotic gown.

Patriotically yours,

Kay Banks

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Couple cut in to styrofoam cake, baker gets death threats

Bride Aimee West bought the three-tier sponge cake decorated with white and dark chocolate icing and flowers for their reception near Llanelli (in Wales). But just before she and new husband Tony cut through a layer of chocolate white polystyrene was found underneath.

They said when they ordered the cake they paid £270 up front to confectioners Creative Cakes. But just four hours before the evening reception was due to start Mrs West said she discovered the cake company had forgotten to bake it. She said: "They admitted their mistake and said 'Don't worry, we'll get you a cake'. They turned up that evening and the cake was put on a table for all to see. We were just about to cut it when someone discovered the cake people had left four layers of sponge cake in the hotel reception. That set alarm bells ringing and when my mother checked the cake she found it was made of polystyrene."

Is it me, or is the groom about twelve? He look so young.

District Judge Marjorie Taylor gave Creative Cakes three months to repay the couple plus their costs. Mrs West said after the case: "We are delighted to have been given our money back. We could have asked for compensation for cutting the cake in front of all our guests but we wouldn't be able to put a figure on that."

Karen Williams, who runs Creative Cakes from her home in Llanelli, blamed it all on a mix-up. She said: "By the time Aimee contacted me it was too late to make the proper cake. I would never have the time to bake a cake and ice it in that time. I explained I would be delivering an artificial cake - they are quite common at weddings these days. I offered them a refund so there was no reason to take me to the small claims court."

Fast forward a few days to this news story

A baker who substituted sponge with polystyrene in a wedding cake is considering winding up her business over threatening phone calls she says she has received after the mix-up hit the headlines. "This has escalated beyond belief. I'm getting threatening phone calls. People have said I should die of cancer. All I did was make a cake." Williams said she was considering quitting. "I'm trying to make a living but at the moment I'm feeling like 'what is the point'?''

When I go places, and there's no cake, I get really agitated. How can there not be cake at a birthday or wedding!? I would push your grandma off the sidewalk if it meant that someone would bring me cake. But I would never wish cancer on someone. I have my standards.


Monday, November 9, 2009

Woman discovers she is allergic to her husband's semen

Julie Boyde, 26, discovered the problem when she and husband Mike, 27, had unprotected sexual intercourse for the first time on their wedding night. The couple had been dating for two years when they got married, but had always used protection. As soon as they had unprotected intercourse for the first time she knew something was wrong.

"Before we were always very careful and, you know, used protection, and that time we didn't," Mrs Boyde told ABC News. "So, we figured we were married now, so if we got pregnant, we got pregnant." Mrs Boyde, from Ambridge, Pennsylvania, added: "The pain that I was feeling was inside, kind of like, somebody was sticking needles up inside of me and like a burning, like really painful burning."

Doctors were unable to explain why she experienced pain after intercourse, until a friend of hers suggested she might be allergic to her husband's semen. She was eventually diagnoses with Seminal Plasma Hypersensitivity, which can cause itching and burning. Dr Andrew Goldstein, from the University of Cincinnati Medical Center said: "The body recognizes semen as a foreign protein just as it would recognize a peanut allergen or pollen." "So you have swelling, you have itching, you have inflammation of the nerve endings."

His colleague Jonathan Bernstein developed a desensitization treatment similar to receiving an allergy shot. After determining the proteins in Mr Boyde's semen that triggered his wife's reaction, he created a serum to counteract the problem. Although the treatment works for some couples, it did not for the Boydes. They have now started adoption proceedings.

I'll admit that when I first read this, I laughed. I wasn't laughing at the couple, or at their inability to have children, but being allergic to your husband sounds like something right out of a slapstick comedy. It is really admirable that they're planning for adoption instead of running to every fertility doctor in town only to have a eight kids and a tv show.


Found via Nothing to do with Arbroath

Friday, November 6, 2009

Ending the week of snark...

Occasional guest-blogger Harriet noticed that I've been pissy and sent me this video of a tiny kitten. Will to snark...waning....cuteness...overwhelming... Over the last week, I've been kind of a bitch, so to apologize, and send you to your weekend on a happy note, here is an awesome wedding video that I totally wanted to snark, but can't because it's really funny. The first minute and a half is dull, but it gets better. Like, a lot better.

Have a great weekend!

Cheerfully yours,
Kay Banks

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Worst celebrity wedding gowns

A UK TV station did a poll to find the worst celebrity wedding dresses. Here are a few of the lowlights:

This is Katie "Jordan" Price, a British "celebrity". Apparently she had a Disney Princess theme complete with carriage. The dress is a cotton candy pink, poofy fairy dress complete with a giant crown. You might notice a couple other giant accessories. The woman is a living blow-up doll.

Britney Spears is number #3 on the list with the "dress" from her quickie wedding in Vegas. It seems unfair to me that this one made the list of worst gowns since she is clearly wearing jeans. But she is definitely looking like one of those drunk girls on The Strip who screams WOOOOOOOO!!!!! all night.

#6 is Victoria Beckham. The dress looks fine to me, but I take issue with the bouquet. Is it me, or is that a tomato!?! And ivy? Did she steal the plastic plants at her Granny's house to make this bouquet?

Britney Spears is on the list twice - this time at #7. This isn't a picture from her wedding day, this is a picture of her shopping for a car in her wedding dress long after her divorce was final. I didn't choose this picture specifically to highlight her highly-publicized breakdown, I chose it because it's the one that shows off all the subtle, classy detailing of the dress.

I don't want to be too mean to poor Britney. Apparently she wore two dresses to her wedding. She looks lovely in this dress and I love all the beautiful red and pink roses. She could have spent a little more time choosing her groom...

This one is from the best list:

Princess Diana. I do not like this dress. It's very dated and it looks like she rolled out of bed and took the voluminous bedsheets with her.

And I'm going to add to the list - I'm not a fan of Gwen Stefani's one-shouldered wedding gown (or Gwen Stefani). It fits her personality, but the best way to describe it is to say that it looks like she's surfing the light crimson tide...

Grumpily yours,

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Nice work, Zsa-Zsa

Continuing the week of snark...

A bride spent her wedding night in a Spanish jail cell after slapping a cop who was breaking up a fight between guests, according to police. The bust-up happened as the bride and groom were leaving their reception in the resort town of Salou, 90 miles southwest of Barcelona Tuesday.

At least 30 guests were still partying in the hotel when members of the bride's family and relatives of the groom started fighting. Hotel owners called cops after hearing shouts, and as officers attempted to separate the two sides, the bride grabbed one police officer by the neck and slapped him.

She was arrested and detained for several hours, but she was released in the morning so the newlyweds could begin their honeymoon.

A fight broke out, and then the bride slapped a cop? She didn't just slap him, actually, it sounds more like a wrestling move. I have a feeling that they were drinking all night. Alcohol or not, most people know that they shouldn't hit police officers. I have a feeling this bride had some underlying issues before she became a bridezilla.

Grumpily yours,

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Vince Vaughn says what we're all thinking

I'm still not feeling that great, so I'm going to do an entire week of snark. It fits my mood.

Vince Vaughn may be ready to settle down with girlfriend Kyla Weber, but that doesn't mean he's gone all Hollywood with his wedding planning. The Couples Retreat star told BANG Showbiz he wants a small, intimate marriage ceremony because he is suspicious of the grand, extravagant weddings of other celebrity couples.

Photo source

"I've seen these huge weddings on cliff-tops and it's unclear what goes through these people's minds," he said. In fact, Vaughn speculated that some people may be going overboard with the wedding planning because they believe it will help prevent them from divorcing. "[But] inevitably they do," he added, according to Britain's Daily Star. Vaughn revealed that his own nuptials will be a small event with family and friends.

In an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show earlier this month, Vaughn explained how he presented Weber with an engagement ring on Valentine's Day - choosing that date in part because he knew he would never forget it. People magazine reported that the engagement ring consisted of a large diamond surrounded by other circular diamonds and was worth $125,000.

I agree with him, but that's a lot of hot air coming from a guy who spent $125K on a ring. In most states, you could buy a house with that. In California, you can buy a car that's almost an exotic.

Grumpily yours,

Monday, November 2, 2009

Monday morning snark

I hope your Halloween weekend was as fantastic as mine was, but I hope you don't have as big a headache as I do. Maybe I had a little too much fun. I feel awful and I'm really grumpy. Let's do this thing.

Look at this bizarre picture from Awkward Family Photos; it's titled One Wedding And A Funeral. I don't know if this is actually a wedding or some kind of terrible Halloween party, but the girl is wearing white and carrying a bouquet, so I'm going with it. Why would anyone pose in front of an empty coffin for a portrait? If this is supposed to be scary, they failed, because empty coffins aren't scary. The lazily draped twinkle lights in the background and bats sprinkled around the coffin look out of place and silly.

The goofy look on the groom's face spoils any thread of spooky or Victorian theme. That Junior High Dance pose is one of my pet peeves as well. It's unflattering for the woman, and it completely blocks the guy.

Grumpily yours,