Thursday, December 31, 2009

Looking back at '09

Thank you for reading this silly wedding blog. I hope you enjoy it almost as much as I do! I've maintained this blog for about six months, and I'm honored to have had the opportunity to interview two brides who both had awesome and wacky weddings. In case you missed them, here they are again.

Corey and John - Awesome Halloween Wedding
These two had a beautiful Halloween wedding with an a-mazing Star Wars-themed cake!

Emily and Whillis - 99 Cents Only Store Wedding
They won a contest and had a $2,500 wedding for only $0.99!

Please, please drink safely tonight! I will be at home with a few of my favorite people and several bottles of sparkling wine. Hope you have a good night too.

Until 2010,

Kay Banks

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

10 weird wedding invitations

From my favorite top-ten site Oddee, here are some weird wedding invitations. I'm only featuring the ones that I find the most interesting, but if you want to look at them all, here's the link.

8-bit love! The left side says "INSERT COIN ?"

This one looks like a laptop with a really cluttered screen. I'm not a fan of the design, but I really like the concept.

This one is very cool - I loved my Ouija board even more when my school banned them for being an "unhealthy influence". This would be perfect for an awesome Halloween wedding!

I love Cadbury's chocolate, so I'm not sure I would realize that this is a wedding invitation before ripping off the paper and diving in. What a sweet idea!

There are more at the link, but I feel like most of them have been around the internet a few times already.


Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Japanese couples cut Tuna instead of cake

If you've never had extremely delicious high quality tuna, you should crash a Japanese wedding. Apparently a new trend is to cut a giant Tuna instead of cake. As much as I love cake, I freaking love Tuna. I wholeheartedly endorse this trend.

A company in Kanagawa prefecture has offered tuna-cutting marriage ceremonies for about 10 years now. This particular couple has purchased a 100kg BigEye tuna for their guests. They don’t reveal the cost of this particular fish, but they do say that minimum plan costs about 3,000 yen X 50 guests (roughly $1600USD)

OH MY GOD, look at the color on that Tuna! Oishii desu ne?


Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas wedding in an airport

Accompanied by a justice of the peace, a woman wearing a wedding gown popped into a Texas airport to surprise her fiancee for an on-the-spot, impromptu wedding.

Since Robyn Moore met William Acosta during a chance meeting while he was on a business trip, their relationship has been filled with the ups and downs that come with frequent flier miles.
"(We) spent half our relationship in airports," Moore said.

Planning to marry some time this month, Moore said she thought it was more than appropriated to wed in an airport. Wearing jeans and a sweater, Acosta said he was speechless and thrilled by the surprise nuptials.

The newly wed couple posed for wedding photographs in front of the Christmas Tree located by the security desk at Corpus Christi International Airport. Acosta and Moore met last year in Dallas where she lived. They plan to take their lifetime boarding passes and move to Toledo, Ohio.

This is really sweet - I always like when couples shrug off the stereotypical wedding stuff and Just Get Married already! But why is there a cameraman behind them? If this is for a reality show, I take back every nice thing I said about them.


Friday, December 25, 2009

People's most talked about weddings 7-1

Okay, fine, MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope Santa brought you everything your heart desires. Now let's finish out this painfully long list before I lose your interest completely.

They first married in a surprise Valentine's Day wedding in Paris's City Hall. But a few months later, Salma Hayek and billionaire François-Henri Pinault wed on April 25 in a fairy tale wedding in Venice. The bride wore a Balenciaga wedding gown by Nicolas Ghesquiere and the couple were serenaded with "Over the Rainbow" by their guests, which included Bono, Penélope Cruz and their daughter Valentina, who was a flower girl.

The flowers are gorgeous - I love the arrangements where the flowers are suspended in vases. Salma Hayek is beautiful too, of course, and her dress has been perfectly chosen to compliment her shape.

Following a joint bachelor-bachelorette party, Josh Duhamel and Fergie – clad in Dolce & Gabbana – tied the knot Jan. 10 at Church Estates Vineyards in Malibu. After guests left the bash, memories of the celebration were made to last: The couple sent their wedding invitations after the event. Created by Lehr & Black, the invites included a caricature of the pair fishing. "Josh has a love for art," says invitationer Ellen Black, "and viewed it as giving away of piece of art."

Haha, oh NO Josh, that silly drawing is not art, but it's cute that you think it is. You know what's not cute? Cheating with a stripper a few months after your wedding. Remember when Fergie was just Stacy Ferguson from KIDS Incorporated? I do. I still can't believe what she's done to herself to have fame. Two words METH FACE. Okay, it's Christmas, so I'll say something charitable...nope, I can't do it. I can only picture her peeing her pants on stage. Sorry, Fergie. Oh, she was polite when I met her when I was about 8. So I'll give her that.

Gorgeous in a Vera Wang Chantilly lace gown, Heroes star Ali Larter wed longtime beau, actor Hayes MacArthur, on Aug. 1 at his family's estate in Kennebunkport, Maine. The couple exchanged vows under a canopy of trees, decorated with purple, pink and white flowers, which matched the bride's understated bouquet. "I feel lucky every morning when I wake up and see him," Larter has said.

She's so boring, but her wedding was beautiful. Those trees are the best part of this photo. Maine always sounds interesting to me - it's seems far away and exotic compared to Southern California. The pink and white petals look so nice against the green grass.

In a white R-Mine dress adorned with thousands of crystals, reality star Kendra Wilkinson went from Girl Next Door to Bride Next Door on June 27, marrying pro football star Hank Baskett at the Playboy Mansion. While the bride and groom shared a first dance to George Strait's "I Cross My Heart," Wilkinson saved her second dance for ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I watched the Girls Next Door. I kind of loved those girls during their crazy antics and then I would remember that they were dating a dinosaur and I would get creeped out and change the channel. Good for her for marrying someone closer to her age.

After eloping in Mexico, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt decided to get married again, this time in California – and for the Hills cameras. After exchanging vows before 200 friends on April 25, Montag changed out of her Monique Lhuillier gown for their reception at Social Hollywood.

Her ugly face and his gross flesh-colored beard will not be gracing this blog again. Sorry if I scared you. They're kind of funny with their desperate fame-whoreing though, and I like how Spencer throws feeble shots at anyone who doesn't like them in an attempt to further the attention. I suggest intensive therapy, a razor, and a reversal of plastic surgery for her.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra star Channing Tatum traded his fatigues for Giorgio Armani on July 11, when he tied the knot with Step Up costar Jenna Dewan, who wore a dreamy peach-and-ivory Reem Acra gown. Tatum's take on the newlywed life? "It's pretty much the same as I've felt every day since I met her – and that's just about perfect."

I don't have the slightest clue who these people are, but I love her fluffy dress! It's so pretty.

It was a charmed wedding, indeed, when Alyssa Milano (clad in a custom Vera Wang gown and Maria Elena headpiece) said "I do" to agent David Bugliari at his family's New Jersey estate on Aug. 15. Dinner was served family-style on farmhouse tables because, as Milano says, "My Italian family still eats Sunday dinner together every week. We wanted to capture the same feeling with people passing around beautiful bowls of food and talking and laughing."

It's weird how there's still an interest in Alyssa Milano even though she hasn't really done anything in ages. I still don't get why she has captivated so many people. She does look incredibly beautiful and perfect in this photo - her dress is lovely. He looks nice in a white on white tie and shirt. An Italian Jersey farmhouse wedding sounds like something out of a TV show that the Italian Defamation League would complain about, but since it's Alyssa Milano's wedding I'm sure it was perfectly manicured and exquisitely detailed.

Well, that's the end to this painfully long list. Thanks for sticking it out. I hope you're enjoying some quality family time today...don't worry, it will all be over soon.



Thursday, December 24, 2009

People's most talked about weddings 12-8

Getting closer to the most talked-about celebrity weddings of 2009. Here's 12-7...

American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi wore $250,000 worth of Neil Lane jewels when she wed contractor Mike McCuddy on July 6. Although her look was glam, the setting was decidedly down-to-earth, with the couple tying the knot in Prospect, Maine. "It's so natural, so beautiful, so calm, so accepting," DioGuardi said.

I don't really know anything about her. All I know is that she's on American Idol and people hate her for some reason. She seems okay, and she's pretty. This scene looks really wintery to me, though, and they were married in July.

Former Wonder Years child star Danica McKellar – who's now a mathematician – wed composer Mike Verta on March 22 in a sunset ceremony in La Jolla, Calif. McKellar, who walked down the aisle to a composition by her husband, wore a mermaid-style gown and tiara by Renee Strauss, while the groom went the ultra-formal route, in tails and white gloves – which undoubtedly came off when it came time to cut the triple-tiered devil's food and hot milk sponge cake.

People always tell me that I look like Winnie Cooper and it makes me want to punch them because I hated Winnie Cooper. I didn't really like Kevin Arnold either. Or Paul for that matter. Why the hell did I watch that show? Anyway, I don't look like Winnie Cooper, and when Danica McKeller wrote "Math Doesn't Suck" I disliked her even more because indeed, Winnie, math SUCKS. Devil's food and hot milk sponge cake sounds interesting though. At least she has good taste in cake.

Tennis pro Andy Roddick married Sports Illustrated model Brooklyn Decker April 17 at his Austin, Texas, home, which was decorated with tropical flowers for the nuptials. Guests at the twilight wedding – which was attended by tennis greats Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi – were treated to a performance by Roddick's pal, Sir Elton John.

Well, they're ridiculously good-looking, aren't they? All I know about him is that he's the attractive tennis player. She's pretty and I love how her hair is floating around her face in this photo.

They may not have worn blue suede shoes, but that's about the only thing Mary Lynn Rajskub's Aug.1 wedding to personal trainer Matthew Rolph didn't have in her Elvis-themed nuptials. The couple tied the knot at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas with an Elvis impersonator – and the bride even walked down the aisle to the King's "A Little Less Conversation." "We didn't know that getting married at a casino in Vegas with Elvis could be so romantic," Rajskub told PEOPLE exclusively. "Our wedding was beautiful, spontaneous and intimate."

Ha, this is awesome! I love Vegas weddings and Vegas, so this makes me happy.

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bündchen had not one, but two secret weddings – first tying the knot in a small ceremony in Santa Monica, Calif., on Feb. 26, before a lavish ceremony at the supermodel's Costa Rican home on April 4. "We tried very hard to keep it private. Oh my God, you have no idea how hard that was," the model later told PEOPLE of planning two secret affairs.

I don't follow many sports, but I know that he's a sperminating football player who impregnated multiple women around the same time, and she's a model. Hey, good for them.

Wait until you see the uber-celebrities in tomorrow's post. This list just keeps getting better...


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

People's most talked about weddings 18-13

More of People's most talked-about weddings. Fire up your, uh, interest, and get a load of 18.

He's known for his jokes, but on the weekend of Aug. 7, Cheech Marin was seriously dapper in Armani when he wed pianist Natasha Rubin at their Malibu home in a sunset ceremony. While an Amy Michaelson-clad Rubin entered to the traditional "Wedding March," the groom walked down the aisle to the Cheech & Chong hit "Earache My Eye."

While she looks a bit young for Cheech, they look happy together, and I'll bet he's young at heart. I like grooms in white for some reason.

During a sunset ceremony in the backyard of their Spanish-style Beverly Hills home, Resident Evil actress Milla Jovovich and director Paul W.S. Anderson tied the knot on Aug. 22. The bride (in Temperley London's Bridal Collection) and groom exchanged 18k gold wedding bands – which they bought from Neil Lane only a day before the wedding.

Milla Jovovich is so pretty. Remember her brief folk music career? She looks beautiful and relaxed, and his khaki linen suit fits her style.

Setting off her signature red hair perfectly, Mad Men star Christina Hendricks glowed in a Carolina Herrera ivory fils coupe gown for her Oct. 11 wedding to Geoffrey Arend. The couple said their vows at New York's Il Buco restaurant, exchanging platinum Tacori wedding rings. "The rings are simple and lovely – so much like Christina and Geoffrey," said Tacori rep Michelle Chila.

I love Christina Hendricks - she's so gorgeous and feminine. He looks really aloof. What's his problem? He reminds me of a cross between Jeff Goldblum and Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords.

It was one love for Roger Federer this year, who married his longtime girlfriend, former WTA tennis player Miroslava "Mirka" Vavrinec in Basel, Switzerland, on April 11. "It was a beautiful spring day and an incredibly joyous occasion," Federer wrote on his blog.

Hey, good for them, whoever they are.

Surrounded by family, friends and her High School Musical costars, KayCee Stroh said "I do" on Jan. 9 to Ben Higginson, who owns a video production company. To ward against the freezing Salt Lake City weather, the bride wrapped a burgundy velvet cape around her custom-designed Godavari Dupion Silk wedding gown by Sottero and Midgley.

High School Musical is like Twilight - it's one of those pop culture sensations that I completely missed. I'm going to be kind of harsh and say that big girls shouldn't wear capes. I have nothing nice to say about this photo.

Sheathed in an ivory silk Jenny Packham gown – bedecked with more than 800,000 Swarovski crystals – the My Name Is Earl star married entertainment lawyer Simran Singh on Sept. 26. The pair said their vows in an oceanfront Malibu ceremony, after which the Emmy-winning actress changed into a '40s-style cocktail gown for the reception.

Jaime Pressly might be a nice person, but she does such a good job at playing a white-trash bitch, that I assume she is one. But she looks lovely here. I especially like her fluffy bouquet.

More fascinating celebrity wedding photos tomorrow (I'm sorry, it's the end of the year...I'm trying, okay?)


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

2009's most talked-about weddings 24-19

Continuing my re-gifting of People's most talked-about weddings, I'm starting today with a big music celebrity...

He may have been the runner-up on American Idol's first season, but on Sept. 26, Justin Guarini became the leading man in Reina Capodici's life. The twosome, who first met in junior high, wed in a private estate in Doyleston, Pa. Guarini recited vows to Capodici's daughter Lola, 4, during the ceremony. "She has welcomed me into her family, and she's just the sweetest little girl," he told PEOPLE.

Justin Guarini, STAR of From Justin To Kelly! Or was it Kelly to Justin. I don't know. He's looking less like Sideshow Bob these days, so...good for him.

In one of the year's more lavish weddings, Donald Trump's daughter Ivanka wed New York Observer publisher Jared Kushner at her father's golf club in Bedminster, N.J., on Oct. 25. Clad in a Grace Kelly-inspired Vera Wang, Trump said her vows in front of more than 500 friends, including Russell Crowe, Natalie Portman, Barbara Walters and Regis Philbin, who sang at the event – which boasted a 70-in., multi-flavored wedding cake!

I kind of like Ivanka Trump, but why did she get those insane basketball-like implants? They're so obvious. They look cute together though (the couple, not the breast implants), and I love her big puffy dress.

After a month-long engagement, Mandy Moore and singer Ryan Adams quietly tied the knot March 10 at a small chapel on the outskirts of Savannah, Ga. For the eight-minute long ceremony, Moore wore a cream tea-length dress with flat sandals, and Adams wore skinny jeans, a T-shirt and a blazer. "It was so romantic. It was awesome," a friend of the pastor told PEOPLE. "I just can't stress how happy they seemed."

Sounds...hip[ster], so good for them. I like her for some reason? I've never heard her music, but she seems sweet and normal.

Fortunately, Natasha Bedingfield didn't feel the rain on her skin on March 21. The weather was sunny when the "Unwritten" singer married businessman Matthew Robinson in an outdoor ceremony at Malibu's Church Estates Vineyards. The bride, who wore a strapless Vera Wang dress, later gushed on her blog, "I'm a Mrs. now! I'm so happy."

Sorry, I have no idea who these people are. I certainly wasn't talking about their wedding, People Magazine.

Longtime couple Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard made it official May 2, marrying in a small romantic wedding in a small bed and breakfast in Brindisi, Italy. Only 40 guests (including the bride's brother Jake Gyllenhaal and his girlfriend Reese Witherspoon) attended the affair, which was officiated by a family friend.

Their wedding sounds amazing - a cozy little event with their favorite people in a gorgeous place. I don't really know much about either of them, but their last naames aare fiiled with extraaneous voweels.

In front of 275 guests, singer Lisa Loeb wed music supervisor Roey Hershkovitz in a Jan. 31 ceremony in New York City. Loeb, who wore a strapless Amsale Blue Label gown, wanted her guests to "come in from the cold to a cozy winter wonderland," so she chose all-white centerpieces accented with fresh moss and tiny deer figurines.

Lisa Loeb! Remember her? She looks so cute! Including Lisa Loeb's wedding in today's post is my way of apologizing for all the boring weddings above. Lookit her with her cat eye glasses - she's still rocking that style and she still looks so adorable. Her dress reminds me of some thing Cyndi Lauper would have worn in the '50s. Somehow she hasn't aged at all!

Until tomorrow,


Monday, December 21, 2009

2009's most talked-about weddings 28-25

It's everyone's favorite year-end blog activity - lists! This one is pretty funny because a lot of these weddings were news to me, so I'm going to be devoting this entire week to it. I'm also going to be ignoring Chr----as, because I am SICK OF IT. So, look elsewhere for your warm feelings of holiday togetherness, or consider this your safe haven!

People magazine's 28 most talked about weddings of the year:

After dating for only one month, reality star Khloe Kardashian wed Los Angeles Laker Lamar Odom on Sept. 27 at a private residence in Beverly Hills, surrounded by her sisters Kourtney and Kim, half-sisters Kendall and Kylie – and, of course, cameras, which taped the wedding for E!'s Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Guests like Ryan Seacrest, Kobe Bryant and Kelly Osbourne dined on heirloom tomato soup with mozzarella and cream, filet mignon and a four-tier wedding cake.

I don't watch this dreadful show, but I didn't hear anyone talking about the wedding - I heard people gossiping about the validity of the wedding. While I'm too lazy to spend any time reading up on the legal affairs of a Kardashian, I'm pretty sure the wedding was a party with a white dress, and the actual legal marriage came a few weeks after when they'd settled the pre-nup.

In front of only 30 guests, Robert Redford and artist Sibylle Szaggars wed on July 11 at the luxury Louis C. Jacob Hotel in Hamburg, Germany. The bride wore a champagne-colored gown while the groom donned a white suit for the ceremony, which Pastor Frank Engelbrecht, who officiated, described as "very intimate."

This is the first I'm hearing of Robert Redford's wedding, and I read an embarrassing number of gossip blogs.

Dexter costars Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter – who play siblings on the Showtime hit – kicked off 2009 by eloping in an outdoor ceremony in Big Sur, Calif., on New Year's Eve. "He's the sexiest man alive," Carpenter has told PEOPLE.

It was weird for me when they got married because I always consider them brother and sister. I'm glad she thinks she married the sexiest man alive...respectfully, I snicker at the notion that Michael C. Hall is incredibly attractive.

Longtime couple Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham finally said their vows Aug. 1 in an intimate Beverly Hills ceremony attended by their three children and about a dozen friends and family. Durham, in a silver-embroidered Marchesa, "looked like a princess," an eyewitness said, adding, "Mark looked ecstatic."

I'm glad that they were ecstatic, because they all look incredibly annoyed in this photo. The kid looks annoyed, he looks shifty, and she looks like she wishes she was at home on the couch in her sweatpants.

The only wedding on this list that I had any interest in was the Dexter wedding. I wish there were pictures. Come back tomorrow for a BIG MUSIC CELEBRITY'S WEDDING!


Friday, December 18, 2009

It's Friday...

...and I'm feeling freeeeeeeee! But not as free as these folks

Next week I'll be bringing you all the celebrity weddings from 2009 that I didn't care enough about to post here. Two words: Justin Guarini?

Have a great weekend!


Thursday, December 17, 2009

Couple gets married on ostriches

There's not much more to say, really.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Is this chicken, what I have? Or fish?

This entire article is probably BS, but it's too funny not to post it:

A source close to the [Jessica Simpson] told Tarts that Simpson has been in talks to team up with celebrity jeweler Pascal Mouawad on her own jewelry line, which she wants to include wedding rings. “Jess and her mom are really pushing the wedding rings. Jess wants her own line but Pascal isn’t so keen on that,” dished our insider. “He wants to work with her, but definitely doesn’t think wedding rings would be appropriate for Jessica.”

A few months ago, Simpson hit up a listening party at Mouawad’s home in Hollywood for An-Ya, a Russian pop singer signed to Joe Simpson's music label. But the starlet got a taste for dazzling diamonds by picking up a $10,000 5-carat ring from the party host’s Black and White Diamond Collection, which is said to have sparked her interest.


Most recently, Mouawad worked with Nicole Richie on her House of Harlow line and Jermaine Dupri on the watch line NuPop. Even Lindsay Lohan has been dropping hints that she’s doing a line with him too. A rep for the jeweler told Tarts that the two had mulled over possibly working together, but as yet nothing had been officially worked out.

But perhaps the desire to design the rings indicates Jess is ready to move on with her love life. Word on the street is that Simpson is certainly getting over her ruptured romance with Tony Romo and has fallen head-over-heels for 42-year-old “Smashing Pumpkins” musician Billy Corgan.

First, OH BILLY. I loved you in middle school, man, but you've changed. And not for the better. Second, while I love Jessica Simpson's shoes (they're usually pretty comfy - seriously!) I don't think people want to wear a wedding ring designed by a celebrity. Rings are supposed to be a symbol of love, not a symbol of how much you like terrible pop music. When Jessica Simpson designs push-up bras, I might try one on. For now, I'll stick to her affordable and comfortable shoes.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Groom runs marathon on his wedding day

This is Jeff Hartman's idea of a bachelor party: Get up at 6 a.m. Stand in the street in sub-freezing weather with his buddy, Mike Colasurdo, and more than 8,000 other people. Then run 26.2 miles in Charlotte's Thunder Road Marathon.

That's what Hartman did [last] Saturday before his 3:30 p.m. wedding at Gardner-Webb University in Boiling Springs, where he teaches exercise science. "I feel like a million bucks," said Hartman, 32, after crossing the finish line with Colasurdo near the NASCAR Hall of Fame uptown.

Hartman's time: 3 hours, 47 minutes. His condition: Soaked in sweat. Smiling. Steady on his feet - unlike some runners who were doubled over in pain or throwing up.

Scrawled across Hartman's shirt in black marker was the message, "Kiss Me! Getting Married Today!" It drew lots of response along the marathon route, and the comments varied by gender. Women usually shouted, "Congratulations," "That's sweet" or "Best of luck." Men offered the warning, "It's not too late!" [Haha, that's typical. Men are always trying to scare each other before a wedding]

Hartman said he got no kisses but did have two offers - one from a male runner dressed as an elf, the other from a woman in her 70s. He didn't slow down long enough to collect either one.

A veteran of seven marathons before Thunder Road, Hartman saw a clear-cut choice about how to spend the hours leading up to his wedding. He could hang out in his basement to avoid seeing the bride getting ready upstairs with her friends and family. Or he could go for the "freedom and joy" of the open road. So he asked his wife-to-be, Shana Woodward, who teaches English at Gardner-Webb, what she thought of a wedding day marathon. "I think it's great," she said. "Just make sure you've got enough energy to walk down the aisle."

The marathon idea hardly surprised her. Hartman proposed to her at the top of Crowders Mountain, where the couple hiked after Hartman had run 10 miles that morning.

On Saturday, the groom didn't try to break any records with his running time, which was short of his personal best of 3 hours, 12 minutes in a Pennsylvania marathon in October. Instead, he aimed for a "nice and easy" pace to leave him with energy for the wedding, reception and, of course, the wedding night.

So after meeting his brother, Rob, and friend Matt Theado at the finish line shortly before noon - the two were sidelined from the marathon bachelor party by injuries - Hartman headed back to his Charlotte hotel. There he showered, changed into his tux and made the 50-mile drive west to Boiling Springs to the campus chapel at Gardner-Webb.

After the wedding, Hartman had a built-in excuse to avoid a reception activity he wasn't crazy about. "I'm a horrible dancer," he said. The race let him do the first dance with his bride - then sit back and rest his legs.

If I ran almost thirty miles on my wedding day, I would use it as an excuse to eat the entire top tier of the cake!


Monday, December 14, 2009

@newlywedsonthejob - woohoo!

I don't know if this is true, but it's hilarious, so here goes:

When a man in the UK was asked to be the best man at his friend's wedding, he was touched. So touched, that he promised not to pull any pranks before or during the wedding. After the wedding though, that's another story.

This man, who is choosing to stay anonymous, has set up this Twitter account for the sole purpose of automatically tweeting when the newlyweds are having sex. I'm not kidding. Read the entire tweet stream from the bottom up if you want the full story. But basically, this guy was watching his friend's house while they went on their honeymoon and he placed a device under their mattress. This device, which is similar to the one found here, is a pressure-sensitive pad that tweets out when sexual activity starts, when it ends, the force of the "action," and a "frenzy" rating.

December 9 saw the first such action. This is the first report:

They're on the job! #1 Action commenced at 12.21GMT. Weight: 84KG.

And then it was over 3 minutes later:

They?re off the job! #1 Action concluded at 12.24GMT. Duration: 3 m.15 s. Frenzy Index: 8 (scary). Judge?s Comment: "Is that it?"

But alas, that was just a test of the guy jumping on the bed to make sure it would work. It did. So the real first action is as follows:

They?re on the job! #2 Action commenced at 15.50GMT. Weight: 151KG.

22 minutes later:

They?re off the job! #2 Action concluded at 16.12GMT. Duration: 22 m.05 s. Frenzy Index: 4 (easy listening). Judge?s Comment: "Good work!"

Before everyone goes crazy over this, remember that all of this is being done anonymously. Neither the friend nor the couple are known. In fact, who knows if this is even real, and who cares, it's hilarious. Still, the man claims he will let his friend in on the fun soon. "What you will NEVER know is who they are. Or who I am.I figure I?ll tell my mate in due course that he's had an audience.So spread the word!," writes the anonymous man. Consider it spread.

So why's he doing this? "BTW he stitched me up something rotten when he was my best man so I reckon this is reasonable payback ," he tweets.

So funny, and sneaky, and rude because he judges them each time they're done with phrases like "KAPOW!" and "Cld do better"...


Friday, December 11, 2009

Put on your yarmulke...

Happy Hanukkah! Or is it Chanukah? Enjoy your eight craaaaazy nights and your "Holiday Candelabra" Thanks to Adam Sandler, I have a running tally of who is and is not a Jew in Hollywood. For instance: OJ Simpson...NOT A JEW. Thanks, Adam!

Adam Sandler married Jackie Titone (a model/actress) on June 22, 2003. I think you'll agree he married out of his league, but good for him.

Their ceremony was at Dick Clark's Malibu estate, and Sandler's bulldog Meatball served as ringbearer.

Meatball even wore a tux and his own little yarmulke!

The two are still married and have two children together. Hopefully those children will grow up with their mother's looks (sorry, Adam!).

And because it's seasonally appropriate, please enjoy the Neil Diamond (!) cover of the Chanukah Song.

Here's the link to the Neil Diamond song in case embedding doesn't work.


Thursday, December 10, 2009

Getting out of a wedding on Super Bowl Sunday

Here's a really terrible comedy article about a guy trying to get out of a wedding because it's on Super Bowl Sunday.

I'm not a big sports fan, but I do know better than to invite sports fans to a party that conflicts with the Super Bowl. He never addresses the fact that maybe his sister is just an inconsiderate person. No, instead he attacks the masculinity of the groom - He's vegetarian, ew! He might even get his nails done at a salon. All vegetarian males are metrosexuals like Ryan Secrest! GASP! The groom hates football. Direct quote from the article "These three things are enough to make me want to bitch-slap him..." but Jack (the narrator of this hi-larious article) decides against it because the guy is going to be family soon and he wants to get along. Aw, that's so nice of him to not hit another man for being vegetarian! I am Kay's unamused funny bone, and I refuse to crack a smile over this craptastic list.

Custom Football Cake topper

10. I have diarrhea. First of all, no one is going to think I’m lying. Who would lie about that? Second, no one wants to touch, let alone be near anyone with the squirts.

Surprise! His first joke is about poop. It must have taken him all day to write this one.

9. I have to return my tux. Do places rent tuxes by the hour?

8. I have the swine flu. On the same lines as #10, no one wants any part of that.

7. I have a bomb. This one might be a little risky… I don’t think they show the Super Bowl in jail.

6. I have to do my taxes. In all honesty, it might actually take me two months to get them done.

This guy is Kevin from The Office. ...numbers are harrrrd...

5. I have jury duty. Hey, no one wants to be held in contempt.

4. I’ve been drafted by the army and have to leave for Iraq immediately. This one could get tricky when I show up at Easter dinner.

3. I’ve been car-jacked on the way to the reception. What’s that noise? Oh, the assailants are holding me hostage at a sports bar.

2. I have a manicure appointment. My new bother-in-law might understand this excuse.

1. I’m gay. My parents would disown me, but I’d definitely be able to watch the Super Bowl.

This guy is not doing much to dispel the idiot jock picture I have of him in my head. His best joke is to be gay. HAHAHAHAHA! Being gay is hilarious, and it's definitely the funniest excuse ever! I don't think he's actually insulting gay people (just his parents and sister), but it's just not funny.


p.s. Everyone knows that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, so I am, crap.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

More wedding photos from My Parents Were Awesome

This one is the absolute cutest thing ever!

Harold and Theo (short for Theodora, I presume?) They're so damn cute! I love his uniform, and her dress is so sweet. They both have the cutest expressions on their faces and that little cake is so charming. Dianne, your parents were definitely awesome!

This one is so hilariously '70s.

Martin's parents Tom and Doris were married in the world's largest and fullest glass of Brandy ever. Look at Tom's bow tie! I mean, really, how could you miss it?

Here are Arwen's parents Doug and Lois (LOTR fans. Just a guess...)

It's hard to imagine a van like that ever looking new. The couple is certainly happy - their faces make me smile. Doug is so much taller than Lois! I wonder if Arwen is short or tall.

And finally, here are Mike's parents Dick and Robin. Those are some WIDE lapels on Dick, and I'm sure that tie would be pretty hilarious if we could see the whole thing. Both their haircuts look really modern and hip by today's standards, but I really hope those lapels never come back. Their cake looks chocolate. Mmmm...chocolate.

Do you think you'll look hilarious to your kids someday? Not me. My style is ageless and timeless because I never had any style to begin with. Wah-wah.

Until tomorrow,

Kay Banks

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Halloween wedding with a Star Wars cake - Corey and John

Corey and John were married on Halloween night 2009 after 11 years of dating. The two started dating in 1998 when they met through a friend, but they broke up for a year and a half, and then picked up again in 2005. They’ve been inseparable ever since. Both are huge Halloween fans - says Corey “We are both into everything horror and macabre so it just made sense.”

Fresh off their two-week honeymoon to my home state of California, Corey agreed to do an interview with me and let me show some of her awesome pictures. The interview follows, but to sum it up: Best. Wedding. Ever.

All photos from Richard Nowitz

What was the biggest planning obstacle?
Ugh. The biggest planning obstacle was getting people to RSVP to the damn invitations. We went to great lengths to give people plenty of time to take off of work, get babysitters for the kids, etc. We got the majority of them back at the two week until the wedding mark, and that was after calling or saying, "Hey, you're coming right?” A lot of people just called back to say they were coming too. That irked me a bit, because that was just wasting a stamp on the reply envelope and stamps are freakin' expensive! Also, trying to please both families on the invites was a big obstacle. John's mom wanted X amount of cousins and friends and such and my Mom and Stepdad were the same. It’s tough saying telling your parents "I know Betsy and you go to the same church sewing group and you'd like her to be there but I’ve never met her, so tough crap"

Eww, cooties!

What was your favorite moment of the day?
Learning that our cake lit up! Not tripping down the stairs. Seeing John for the first time (it was also the first time I had ever seen him in a suit so that was an extra bonus). Coming into the reception with John as the "throne room" music from Episode 4 played. High-fiving instead of kissing when people annoyingly clinked their glasses. [Kay’s note: brilliant! That glass clinking thing is really annoying!] Seeing people’s guestbook entries.

Love love the color scheme!

Guest book page

Every bride worries something will go wrong – what went wrong on your wedding day?
Not too much went wrong thankfully. There was a bit of confusion in the beginning as to where in the hell the boutonnieres and corsages were. We found them eventually. We also didn't hire a DJ and just hooked an iPod up which worked flawlessly except for trying to get everybody together so I could throw my bouquet. After 40 minutes of unsuccessfully trying to wrangle girls inside, our photographer announced that he's only there for another 10 minutes and that if I wanted to do the bouquet toss it was "now or never" in the middle of this scene 2 people were asking me for directions, 3 people were asking for parking passes, someone broke a wine glass, 2 people were asking if I knew a number for a cab and that's when I lost my shit and had a mini-breakdown. John, being the saint that he is, took care of everything. Other than that unpleasant incident, all was right with the world.

Corey and John with their bridesmaids and groomsmen

On to the awesome cake! How did friends and family react when you told them you were planning a Halloween wedding with a geeky cake?
We tried to keep the cake a secret for as long as we could. That only lasted about a week and a half. Most of our friends are Star Wars nerds like ourselves or they are fans of "Ace of Cakes". There were many joyous cries when we told them what we were getting done. The best response was simultaneous screeching done by my Maid and Matron of Honor while we were dress shopping. In fact, most guests at the wedding made sure to let us know that the cake was one of the highlights of the day for them. They were also shocked to know that it was vegan. Surprise! [Kay’s note: You don’t have to be Vegan to love Vegan cake. Mmm…]

Black Forest cake! As Corey said Mmm, cherries and chocolate...

Out of all the things you could have chosen for your Star Wars cake, why Han Solo frozen in carbonite? Was it John’s idea of what married life is like?
Haha. No, John didn't think of it as a symbolic frozen-in-limbo-stuck-forever kind of deal. At least, he hasn't mentioned it so...

We had such a hard time thinking of what we wanted for our cake. At first, we were thinking of an Evil Dead cake, with the cake itself looking like the Necronomicon. Then I was thinking sugar skulls. Then some sort of jack o'lantern cake. Finally, we both decided we wanted a Star Wars cake. Why hadn't we thought of this to begin with?? So then we had an even harder time deciding what Star Warsian image to cakeify. We went from the Death Star, to Jabba's barge, to an X-wing. You name it, we thought of it. Then we thought...carbonite! Charm City cakes had never done anything like that before, let’s challenge them! Plus, that meant that Han Solo would be at my wedding, and I had been dreaming of that ever since I was three. He wasn't playing the exact role that I wanted, but he was there nonetheless.

I’ve mentioned many, many times on this blog that I wish I hadn’t chosen a white dress for my wedding – it’s not me. I loved your dress, and I understand it was a steal – tell me more!
So I’m not the normal girl (obviously) and I didn't want the normal white dress. They’re just too cliché for me, and it's the same reason I would never buy a white car...they get dirty too fast. I mentioned to my matron of honor that I was thinking of wearing a red dress. She thought that was fabulous and sent me a link to to get some ideas. That is an amazing website! Soooo many pictures of other brides stickin' it to the traditional wedding and doing it their way.


So I was on the hunt for a red dress. I found several in many different styles: Tudor, gothic, Victorian, but they were all hellishly expensive. So I finally found a dress on the David’s Bridal website. It was a bridesmaid dress but I decided it would be the perfect wedding dress. I went in later to try it on and I fell in love. It was the first and only dress I had tried on and I totally lucked out aaaaaaaand it was only $180!!

Where was the reception held? What made you choose that location?
The ceremony and reception were both held at Chase Court in Baltimore. We chose it because we both lived in Baltimore at one point and we love the city. Also it was one of the few places we could find that wasn't affiliated with any religion since neither one of us are religious. It also fit a Halloween wedding. It was built in the late 1800's and hasn't changed much since then so it still had lots of gothic elements to it that we really loved. The pond in the garden filled with Koi was one of my favorites too.

This place is really gorgeous! Great find.

I loooove the long dark tables against the white walls

The décor at your wedding was awesome! What inspired your flowers and centerpieces?
For the flowers, John and I wanted Fall colored flowers to fit in with the theme and especially the time of year. The only thing we knew as we walked into our florist appointment is that we wanted red, orange and yellow flowers, absolutely NO roses, and that I wanted Gerbera daisies and Asiatic lilies (my favorites). To sum up, we picked the best florist ever. They were super knowledgeable and had a dozen or so books for us to look through. For the bouquets, they came up with the great idea of using plants and flowers that looked like other things. for example, they used coxcomb (which kinda looks like brains), kangaroo paw (which looks like little paws-go figure!) and something that I can't think of but the tips of it looked like little blood drops. Well, it did if you squinted your eyes just so. For the scattered bud vases, they used the same flowers that made up my bouquet, but they added some ribbons and skeleton hands that I had provided.

Skeleton hands

Everything turned out better than I could imagine. As for the centerpieces, my bridesmaids and I had gone out on November 1st last year to clean up on the Halloween leftovers sales. That’s where I found some really cool tealight houses, Burton-esque trees, and yards upon yards of Halloween fabric (which my mom later used to make runners for all the tables). We also had jack o'lanterns on the head table and in the window sills. The bridal party, along with a few close friends, carved about 20 pumpkins the night before the wedding. We had a lot of fun doing that and it was a great stress reliever to stab the pumpkins and pull out their guts.

Orange and red flowers

Now that it’s all over, what would you do different?
Now that it’s over and everything is in hindsight, I would have used a DJ. it was really hard to get everyone’s attention at once, not to mention missing the whole bouquet toss. Other than that, I would do it all exactly the same.

This is not wedding related at all, but the geeks of the world must know…What’s your favorite Star Wars movie?
This is a very good question. It would be like asking Jon and Kate which of their 8 kids is their favorite. Being a true fan, you can eliminate episodes 1-3. So even though every episode of the original trilogy holds a special place in my heart, my favorite would have to be Return of the Jedi. I won't go off on a nerd tangent, wasting your time and list every reason as to why this is so...unless you start another blog totally devoted to star wars. John's favorite is the empire strikes back. I guess not every couple is perfect...

So, I take it Corey’s not a Jar-Jar fan. Color meesa* surprised!

Best wedding ever, right? RIGHT?! Thanks to Corey and John for letting me invade their privacy.

-Kay Banks

*I'm sorry. I can't help it. It's a tick.