Thursday, December 10, 2009

Getting out of a wedding on Super Bowl Sunday

Here's a really terrible comedy article about a guy trying to get out of a wedding because it's on Super Bowl Sunday.

I'm not a big sports fan, but I do know better than to invite sports fans to a party that conflicts with the Super Bowl. He never addresses the fact that maybe his sister is just an inconsiderate person. No, instead he attacks the masculinity of the groom - He's vegetarian, ew! He might even get his nails done at a salon. All vegetarian males are metrosexuals like Ryan Secrest! GASP! The groom hates football. Direct quote from the article "These three things are enough to make me want to bitch-slap him..." but Jack (the narrator of this hi-larious article) decides against it because the guy is going to be family soon and he wants to get along. Aw, that's so nice of him to not hit another man for being vegetarian! I am Kay's unamused funny bone, and I refuse to crack a smile over this craptastic list.

Custom Football Cake topper

10. I have diarrhea. First of all, no one is going to think I’m lying. Who would lie about that? Second, no one wants to touch, let alone be near anyone with the squirts.

Surprise! His first joke is about poop. It must have taken him all day to write this one.

9. I have to return my tux. Do places rent tuxes by the hour?

8. I have the swine flu. On the same lines as #10, no one wants any part of that.

7. I have a bomb. This one might be a little risky… I don’t think they show the Super Bowl in jail.

6. I have to do my taxes. In all honesty, it might actually take me two months to get them done.

This guy is Kevin from The Office. ...numbers are harrrrd...

5. I have jury duty. Hey, no one wants to be held in contempt.

4. I’ve been drafted by the army and have to leave for Iraq immediately. This one could get tricky when I show up at Easter dinner.

3. I’ve been car-jacked on the way to the reception. What’s that noise? Oh, the assailants are holding me hostage at a sports bar.

2. I have a manicure appointment. My new bother-in-law might understand this excuse.

1. I’m gay. My parents would disown me, but I’d definitely be able to watch the Super Bowl.

This guy is not doing much to dispel the idiot jock picture I have of him in my head. His best joke is to be gay. HAHAHAHAHA! Being gay is hilarious, and it's definitely the funniest excuse ever! I don't think he's actually insulting gay people (just his parents and sister), but it's just not funny.


p.s. Everyone knows that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, so I am, crap.

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