There seems to be a rush of weddings this summer, and I hear all the gripes because I don't know any of the couples. Engaged couples, I have a news flash for you: all of your friends are talking shit about you and your wedding. Right now. This goes double if your wedding details have been posted on your Facebook pages. It sucks, and it might shock you, but it's true.
Here's my handy-dandy guide to getting married and keeping your friends:
Rule 1: Shut up
Seriously, keep the details to yourself. Don't talk endlessly about the cost, bitch about the cake tasting-gone-wrong, or reference your wedding ALL THE TIME. "Sorry, can't make it to the party. We have to go meet caterers!" is a really annoying way to turn down a birthday party. People want to be invited to the wedding, and they want to drink your free booze, but they don't want to be involved in every step.
The solution is to choose a few friends who love you enough to keep the eye rolling to themselves, or at the very least, trash talk you to friends you don't know. There is no BFF alive who can process all the minutia of your wedding without hating you a little bit, so choose wisely. It's probably best to give the least of the burden to the friend you deem your maid of honor, or the person who will throw the showers/bachelor parties. My best suggestion would be to talk the most to your spouse-to-be. If that person can't handle all the boring details, don't marry them.
Yes, your table is beautiful. I knew it would be because I've been listening to you talk about it for SIX MONTHS.
Thanks Flickr user chellyc
Rule 2: Don't force your friends to help
If your bestie isn't jumping up and down to be a bridesmaid or throw your bachelor party, don't ask. Wait to see who offers. If nobody offers, don't have a wedding party. People who don't care about weddings don't care about weddings. You can't force it, and your friend will secretly hate you if you try to make them care about your wedding.
If you feel like you don't have enough support to plan such a large wedding, have a smaller wedding. Your wallet will thank you, and you'll still have friends.
Rule 3: Keep your cool
Wedding planning comes with at least one major blow up. Something will go wrong, a friend will back out of being a bridesmaid (unless you followed Rule 2) and you will feel like nobody cares about your special, special day. Remind yourself that it's true: friends don't care about your special day. They're really happy for you, and they're glad you found true love, but they don't care about the wedding details unless it's going to be a cash bar. Maintain patience and understanding for your friends or you won't have any left.
Rule 4: Repeat It's only one day
In line with keeping your cool, keep reminding yourself that the important part is every day after the wedding, but the wedding is ONE special day. Yes, it's a big deal and a lot of money, but it's only one day. There's a lot of build-up to the big day for YOU, but for everyone else it's that upcoming Saturday when they have to get dressed up and eat with people they don't know.
I spent $1200 in airfare for a cash bar? Friendship = damaged. Shit = talked.
Rule 5: Think about your guests
Yes, it's your special day, but your guests have all taken a day out of their lives to celebrate you in a very expensive way. They: saved the date, wore nice clothes, sent a gift, and talked shit behind your back instead of to your faces. (If your friends didn't do these things, then they're not holding up their end either. Solution: get better friends) Since your friends did a lot for you, try to plan for them. Give them the best food you can, or if you can't afford dinner, make the snacks really tasty and filling. Make sure there's delicious dessert. If it's all you can afford have an open bar. They don't care about taking home a framed picture of you, or those hideous inedible almonds.
Solution: Get them drunk! They will have fun. The non-drinkers will have fun watching others make asses of themselves. Don't insist that non-family travel to an island for your wedding. Don't put ridiculous deadlines on everyone. Don't harass people about RSVP dates. If they don't RSVP in time they don't care about your wedding. Count them out, and have my blessing to feel sorry for yourself. It sucks that your friends aren't into your wedding, but you should not let it ruin your friendship.
Think about this - you're spending 6 months to 1 year planning your dream wedding. Planning your wedding is supposed to be fun, exciting, and everything you've always wanted. What's the point if you're pissed at your friends for not living up to expectations? Pave the way for a fun and beautiful wedding, don't steamroll it.
That's my 5-step guide to getting married and keeping your friends. What do you say? Do you think I'm full of shit? Siding too much with the guests? I'm curious to hear your thoughts.