Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I Hate Weddings

I recently found this site: I Hate Weddings. The writer really, really hates weddings, and his friends (I presume). I can't blame him. As much as I love weddings, I hate the self-indulgent attitude that some couples adopt.

Here are some of my favorites:

I don't think I have ever RSVPed for a wedding. Not RSVPing used to be my way of forcing friends who disappeared off the face of the Earth after they got engaged to call me. Oh? Joe hasn't had the time to call anyone back since his three engagement parties? Not RSVPing will force Joe or his fiance to call you.

My other friend "Barney" and his wife refused to call people who weren't RSVPing. Instead "Mrs. Barney" sent RSVP "overdue notices" and "final warning" letters. After the "final warning" letter she just assumed the invitees weren't coming. I don't know if any invitees who missed the "final warning" showed up to their wedding anyway.

If I see this at your wedding, I will punch you.

Wedding Gift Calculator (my favorite!):
The biggest chore for a wedding guest is to decide how much money to put in the envelope. Not all weddings are equal. Therefore every couple getting married does not deserve the same gift. When giving a gift for a wedding there are many factors you should consider so that you don't look cheap and more importantly so that you don't give too much.

When you give cash is to remember to give it at the end of the reception. This gives you a chance to have fun and look at how much work the bride and groom put into the event. It also gives you a chance to consider how much work YOU put into the event. Remember, its not the gift, it’s the thought that counts. If you put a lot of thought into a wedding . . . you should give money.

I start off with a base figure of $75.00.

You brought a date to the wedding.
Add $75.00

You were invited to bring a date but couldn't find one.
Add $25.00

You were not invited to bring a date.
Subtract $25.00

You were not invited to bring a date but brought one anyway.
Add $5.00

Open Bar for alcohol
Add $25.00

Cash Bar for alcohol
(*Ask for a receipt every time you order a drink. Deduct the total amount of money you spent on alcohol. Then put the receipts in the envelope with your gift)

Dinner is served Buffet Style
Subtract $10.00

The reception is a Denny's Breakfast buffet.
Subtract $20.00

Cash Bar for soda **
(**If they charge you for soda at the wedding DO NOT GIVE A GIFT. Immediately,
go to the bride, kick her in the shin and then go home.)

HAHAHA. There's a more detailed list of wedding gift calculations at the link.

It's safe to say that this guy's friends do NOT follow my rules for getting married without being an asshole.


Photo found via another funny site.


  1. the interesting thing is most of the posts on this site are by people in the bridal party/relatives who are dissing on guests, not the other way around.

    I don't see why you should pay more if they invited you to bring a date but you chose not to bring one. As long as you RSVP, of course. Also I think of alcohol open bar as standard but I would subtract for cash bar.

  2. I have never been to a cash bar wedding, but several of my friends have complained that ALL their friends have cash bar weddings. I think if that's the case, then I get the bitterness over it.

    I also don't see why you should pay more if they invited you to bring a date.

    In general, I think all of this "advice" is aimed at people who have really annoying friends or family members.


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